I find it ironic that homeless people are so good in bed
hey, here's something you don't have worry about since you're a girl: finding crusty cum in your bellybutton.
Medicore although I woke up with the business card of a Turkish lawyer called Mufasa...
i put that paper plate back in your cabinet because i ate all the ketchup off and you can't even tell. you're welcome.
Day #3 of being the only sober person at the bar. This is depression.
I'm sitting at work trying to dust glitter off my pants. I can't hang out with her anymore.
Definitely worth waiting her kid to got to sleep when the first thing you hear once she's back is "I want you in my ass right now"
So your best guy friend eats your pussy once and a while, no big deal. It's like going to jiffy lube once and a while to let the professionals do it. Your husband should understand .
And I might get them triple pierced after that
Damn, I didn't realize you'd declared war on airport metal detectors
I might have beaten my fastest all time record going from "I really really like this girl" to "fuck that bitch"
you regret 100% of the tequila shots you do take. thats what gretzky meant to say
Getting haircut. The stylist asked about the body paint dried in my hair. I told her there was prob glitter, too. It was a fun night!
There's a baby duck in my toilet. Fuck you.
my suitemate came in my room last night and flashed me. and then she just walked away. deff transferred to the right school
I just really wish I could go back and unsex him. Waste of my vagina.
Randomize
