I just found out the FDA voted to ban Vicodin, my last connection to this world has been destroyed
So there is a chick dressed up in a vagina costume handing out free condoms next to the dude handing out free Bibles and preaching about sin. I love college.
kerrys trying to convince everyone in the bar shes a lesbian. cheers to not being the drunkest girl in the room. i probably wont piss myself tonight.
his facial hair looked like he just ate out someone's ass
sometimes you have to go after what you want
true. and i really want to cum
Before he took off his pants he paused and said, "Remember..sometimes great things come in small packages."
He compared my vagina to the first time he tried cocaine
I was making out with him, and then his friend randomly took off my pants and started going down on me. My first semi-threesome was a success.
Get the cougar, get the cougar, get the cougar. Act like an injured baby deer. She will either eat you alive or nurse you back to health either way its still sex.
I am at Brians in a pirate costume, what the hell am I thinking
Ryan Reynolds is on sesame street right now. Dressed as a letter A but still sexy as fuck. PBS is so considerate of the stay at home mom.
Got to use the phrase "sweet pukas dude." My day is made.
If you could not mention to him that I slept with his best friend, that'd be cool of you.
WHO GIVES HANDJOBS AT 8 IN THE FUCKING MORNING
Woke up this morning to him making out with me in his sleep, then I had to go on a scavenger hunt to find a used condom before my roommate got back... it was under my pillow.
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