turns out I still hate jay leno...even at 10pm.
she wants me to text her or call her all the time when we are apart...this is not high school...
went thru the pain of a Brazilian and he's passed the fuck out while i eat Doritos and watch tbs. fuck married life i want out
i just woke up reverse cowgirl on my couch. fully clothed. my laptop is on the floor sideways. blasting gay porn and lady gaga. pizza crust everywhere. goodmorning.
Happiness for him is a different happiness than you can supply cuz you have life standards, morals and goals that dont include the bar or beer everynight.
Stop treating my vagina like a slapchop.
Life is too short to have fake orgasms.
Dude. Her vagina is a blender.
There are two types of people in this world I don't trust: people who collect stamps, and people who don't drink
Ok spinning in the opposite direction thatg the room was spinning was the worst advice ever
i woke up soaking wet with shard of glass imbedded in my flesh dangerously close to my dick what happend?!!
BEER BOTTLE SWORD FIGHTHING!!
Why is there never any toilet paper at his apartment? What does he wipe his ass with? WHAT DOES HE WIPE IT WITH?!?
At least I got steroids and a baguette out of the deal
dude where did you go last night?
when the tequila says to run, you start running.
are you still alive?
no.
i'll cry at your funeral. and leave a burrito by your tombstone
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