This girl is more easily done than said...
I might get fired at work today. I had to prioritize. It's not my fault Cockasaurus came over.
worse things have happened to me. but if it will make you feel better you can pay for my therapist sessions next week.
why isn't there a fb relationship option that says 'still banging my ex'
you went around the entire night in your french maid costume dusting off the "cob webs" on everyone's crotch saying "you havent gotten any action in a while"
I was wondering why i got so many friend requests the next day...
She literally thanked me for asking before I put in her ass
I THINK I JUST JOINED A GANG. PLEASE PICK ME UP.
Telling someone to make good decisions on a Thursday is like telling Santa to be Jewish.
I'll explain later but basically I was feeling dangerous, I'm dressed as Ann Romney and Ann Romney is a bad bitch.
I felt like... 50% confused and 50% like a slow roasted flip flop.
I wrote an entire paper in under an hour about The Nightmare Before Christmas. I was also high as shit and pretty sure I dedicated half the page to the animation but still.
Every text my dad sends me is an AA mantra. Might be time to take a look at my life.
dude wtf why are there forks in my wall
does "I AM MAGNETOOOO" ring any bells, because that was you for an entire hour last night
What part of I just want to watch porn, eat Taco Bell, and masturbate did you not understand?
I'm laying backwards. On the stairs. Eating carrots. And drinking from a captain Morgan bottle.
Randomize
