I think I speak chipmunk. Odd.
Are you high?
No. That's why it's odd
make sure i look cute passed out on the couch.
you pissed in a zip-loc bag and wanted 60 dollars for it
He cooked me dinner. I showed my appreciation by showing up shithoused and breaking a bottle of steak sauce on his floor.
They had an entire room dedicated to passed out people. It was like a dogpile of cross faded toddlers drooling on each other.
This morning is cloudy with a high chance of vomiting all over the dentist. Stay tuned for further updates.
U owe me five dollars for that paper towel you bet i wouldnt eat last night
Jesus horatio Christ I forgot my mittens and am considering shoving my hands down the pants of the first semi attractive man I see
If my penis could make facial expressions, it would constantly have a smile on.
Just realized I've gone to court three different times with papers and a joint roller in my briefcase. #lawyeroftheyear
I can't sleep. My mind keeps asking "turn down for what?" but it won't accept any of my answers.
He has a burner phone just to send dick pics. It's revolutionary
I am harder than a fucking diamond and Michael Bolton is playing. Your move.
You got your ass kicked outside KFC on Tuesday
Gov of Georgia is going to allow massage therapists to return to work.
Gives a new meaning to 'Happy Endings'.
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