I took off my bra and money fell out...how crazy was I tonight?
you know what would be great? if dirt tasted like steak and could get you drunk.
you tried to do a keg stand and ended up flipping over it and onto the table
He kept yelling "osteoporosis" and threw milk at her because she broke her arm.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
She either was great at sex or I finished the whole bottle of svedka my self
can you go into shock from having too many orgasms? i think i went into shock.
As a Chick-Fil-A employee, I think you'd appreciate the visual of me almost accidentally pulling out my wallet with a thong hooked on it as I payed for my waffle fries just now.
I'm not sure. But a mason jar of drug free urine just as soon as anyone can would be so awesome.
Right, try not to commit a felony that costs more than 4 dollars cause that's all I have in my bail jar.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Whatever, you're gonna have to break it to mom that the reason I was so drunk at Christmas dinner is because she wouldn't stop asking me why I don't have a boyfriend
Idk man there's lots of bad dick but even a bad cookie is still pretty good
At least life still wants to fuck me.
I was so drunk I got motion sickness from sex.
Let's do something tonight. I feel like setting things on fire.
How is there a hawk inside this house? More importantly how the hell is he handling it without any gear?
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