why the FUCK would i wear makeup on my vagina!?
I just won Halloween Walk of Shame Bingo!
that coffee was exactly what I needed. Also whose awesome hat is on the couch with ear flaps? I wanna put my head in it
It was literally the size of a half eaten tic tac.
Can we comment on the fact that at five thirty this morning, security woke me up in the hotel lobby, in my underwear, and some random guys winter coat?
You tried to convince our cab driver that your $2 bill was worth $11.70
When she was giving me head last night it felt like there was a NASCAR pit crew working on my dick.
Tell him next time im gonna be "disgrace to the family" drunk
making out was so insane. it felt like our tongues were paintbrushes made of waves and we were painting an ocean galazy
Rule #127: If your going to try fuck a married guy, you gotta be hotter then his wife; diet starts today.
He stole a bottle of grenadine from the bar. And got arrested. His new cell mate is going to love his bright red lips.
You dove at him but passed out mid dive. Shame it wasnt a costume party your superman suit wouldve been clutch in the situation
I'm eating a block of cheese like its a sandwich in the tsa line
I had to join a gym to keep up with this 22 yr old
I got snowed in at my parent's. everyone's asleep so I'm smoking a joint in my old room and watching Tarzan on a 12" tv.
They must be so glad to have you home...
Randomize
