watching a depressing episode of spongebob while high is the most depressing thing i have ever experienced
so how much must it suck for him to know that the penis of his best man has been in his wife's mouth before?
just heard a tri-delta girl talking about her drunken escapades last weekend...it's like the exact plotline to a hardcore porno.
I'm at verizon, the guy asked me why my phone is full of seeds. Deff. Not leaving my phone with you anymore.
I learned an important lesson this weekend.... I'm way to good at sex to travel for it. From now on he drives here...
the only sentence i could make out from her was "i will wash these herpes away"
My broken door handle makes it really inconvient for when i need to puke at red lights.
maybe i'll make good life choices and keep my legs closed. periodically txt me friday and saturday night saying "baby carrot round 2" that should stop me.
You know me. Don't need roses, just dick and food.
I have reached the state of intoxication where it is now a requirement to sit while peeing.
Shit. I'm suppose to call the bank but I'm too high to talk numbers.
First highlight of the semester: campus safety caught me peeing in the dirt parking lot by kappa. Then as they were about to write me up, they recognized me, laughed, and left.
Holy sore nipples Batman
I gave him morning sex, a bag of cookies, and dropped him off at work. I believe I deserve the "best hookup award."
Sitting naked in my bed eating leftover Mexican food drinking coors light.. Can it get any more single than this?
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