I just woke up with a girl who has left and right tattoed on her wrists. In french. I may need to stop drinking.
he got instantly turned off in the middle of a blowjob when he heard the news "twilight beat the blockbuster record of batman"
i just discovered a movie that charlize theron is a sex addict. i think my prayers have been answered
I wore my underwear in the shower just in case i passed out and you had to come in and get me
JAMES WASHOMGTON STATE ATTACKED US
WE'RE FYCKED UL HARDCORW
THE REISLING ATRACEX US
I kinda remember trying to staple rolls of toilet paper to make a pillow, but it's blank after that.
Chicken salad taco, you know, when you're out of bread and crackers, and high.
That girl from the bar sent me a text saying that she wants to wear my cock as a hat. A cock hat. Is that good or bad?
She's in the hospital because she tried to steal a toilet seat from an outhouse and fell off the bank. We're gonna hang the toilet seat by the pool.
I got whiskey, so I think the blizzard and I are at an even match
I'm sitting in Madison square park surrounded by children thanking god I took emergency contraception
Just had to tell a NYC cop I was doing the Dougie in a houndstooth jumper so he could find me in the security video.
I woke up uncovered, spread eagled to my dad saying "you really need to stop sleeping naked."
My debit card was between my ass cheeks when i woke up. i vaguely remember putting it there for safe keeping
Listen, all I’m saying is, if you’re lying naked next to a hot chick, you don’t start discussing dental hygiene.
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