If I die tonight, wear a V neck to my funeral.
i just google imaged poop.
I just saw a commercial for "tickle me elmo hands" and I am almost 100 percent sure that at the end elmo said "yeaaaaa boooyyyyyy"
Paddidles count extra in the back of a cop car
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
there's no food at this bar, but i'm pretty sure vodka is made of wheat so i'm basically drinking bread.
does it still count as break up sex if it's 4 months later? sorry i'm just looking for an excuse to fuck him.
The great thing about skinny blondes is that they're all interchangeable.
A man pulled out his penis last night and when I said I wouldn't touch it, he said, "that's fine it just needs to breathe".
I didn't think about how painful the pumpkin seeds coming up the next morning would be. Oh well, I'm good at making pumpkin seeds and that's all that matters.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Theres a 75% chance I'm wearing a hocky mask and nothing else right now
Ps I am
Do you ever just feel like you can feel hormones radiating from your uterus?
My body looks like ricotta cheese had a vacation
So anyway, I'm just floating along life with my vibrator and low expectations.
He stopped the gas pump at 69 and gave me my receipt. He wants it.
Wait, you met him on Onlyfans? The guy from last night? Which one of you is the fan?
Because one of you banged your stalker
Randomize