Pick my eyebrow is burning. I'm sitting in the back of dolows vat and listening to jolly music and wilfgang is signing and looking food. Cute kid. Home is where I go now.
what. the. fuck.
I just had to explain to my father, how having two screens plugged into my computer doesn't use more internet.
he kept bringing up different times we had sex and i wouldnt say anything back. i would never confirm nor deny the situation...like a politician ya kno
So I got a little fucked up on the punch, and made out with the family friend. Which is apparently morally reprehensible. I don't get that.
All I know is I woke up next to her beside the toilet
I have a beer in one hand and a slim fast in another. It's another one of those wednesday nights.
She was kind of put off because I kept calling her baby my spirit animal and staring hungrily at her breasts.
All I need is the Internet and a place to drink.
Stripper pole. Sore legs. More vaca money.
Where would I incorporate "your boyfriend fucked the shit out of me last night" before or after Merry Christmas bitch?
While you were hooking up with her I pulled you off to make sure you knew what you were doing.
You said you were "testing the product for Chris."
I'm a bad man.
Bring your friend that fell asleep in the bathroom for my friend.
Please say a prayer for the elevator people at work today. My farts are significantly more potent the day after hitting that korean place for lunch...
He was like "why do you look so cute today?" and I said "I showered" and he laughed. I wasn't making a joke
What's your fascination with fucking to the Lion King Soundtrack?
Randomize
