It made me feel like I need a reality show of my life so I could go back and watch the episodes to figure out how I got from the trunk of the car to my neighbors tree house...
found a strand of your hair in my car. it's 1 ft 7 inches long
wtf you measured my hair?
i feel like i want to date him just so i could be besties with his penis
first off, his name is dougie. strike one.
I need to hang out with girls who make more mistakes
I would like to apologize for asking to take advantage of you, wishing you a horny Hanukkah and whatever "abd ethw prnym to mzbe yur penis cna be friends" means.
I'd hate to be 100% hetero. Pretty sure they have less orgies
he started frosting cupcakes and licking the mini-spatula realllllly deliberately and i don't know if i'm more attracted to him or the cupcakes
Sorry this is the worst night of your life and that you're being a baby about it.
My 1st STD. I feel like there should be a cake for this.
Matched with the lumberjack. Here's your wedding invite.
Gonna be late for work. Sex comes first. Priorities.
You should of known that i was high if i refer to myself as melting into anything
For one week of my life every time I pull my cock out I want the Jurassic Park theme music to start playing.
hey, cheif big dick, where the fuck are my panties.
Randomize
