that thing about your dad's boner was meant to be a compliment
Best porno line to date...."drinks are on me..." while she female ejaculates into a wine chalice
Every one of her profile pictures looks like an ad for American Apparel. Of course she has syphilis.
dude im at a party with a bunch of 17 year old gilrs this is awesome
no its not leave
I think I'm making progress on my commitment issues. I drunk made out with the same guy from last semester this weekend.
2 rounds of irish car bombs have already been taken to your 5 year sober anniversary
I have your shoes, your bike, and someones blue underwear. Round 2 tonight?
I think I need to donate blood to see if I have Hepatitis. Again.
I'm a busy girl. All I wanted was noncommittal sex a few times a week
Let's get really high and wear fake mustaches and try not to laugh at each other...
I feel like when purchasing hard liquor on a Monday I also need to buy a happy 21st bday card to not seem so pathetic
Whatever, I used my iphone to send an Escalade to pick up a booty call last week. For free. It is futuristic as fuck out here.
Fuck you, if it wasn't for us going to the city, she would be using me as a human sex toy all day.
Dear God, please let me get my period. And if this one is fiercer than usual I completely understand.
I really want to stop getting this drunk. I've got the Sunday scaries and it's only Saturday
Randomize
