i have i love cock written on my hand and a vagina drawn on my arm and i just finished eating breakfast with the whole fam for mothers day
ahah at least you got away with it
nope...my gran was the one who informed me
you want my honest opinion? I'm sure refering to her vagina as the "bat cave" was your first mistake.
she said she could "feel the heat of my groin" against her. ruined the whole fucking moment.
watching law and order svu marathons. all of the sex crimes cases start like my sat night.
hey im home...im not sure how this mcdonalds got here but whatever im gonna eat it anyway.
So yeah you need to stop having near death experiences at McDonalds.
You're such an expert partier. I feel like 22-year-old recent graduates should have to intern with you.
I'm a pro at the other 9-5
I have this terrible fear I might accidentally text a pic of my dick to my grandma
I was looking at our sex bingo and pretty much every single row or column has at least one kind of person that is harder to find than all the rest
We've made things harder for ourselves
The struggle will be part of the fun
So his shoes are still here. And there are three contacts in a case. And a shirt on the bed. I've checked my dorm and he's not here. I'm so confused.
Hooking up with him was lovely.. but waking up in his bed the next morning and finding double stuffed oreos... I mean.... I won
Note to self:A blacklight toga party at a frat house is a bad idea. Some things cannot be unseen
i just saw a man in the grocery, sitting on the floor, eating out of a galon sized tub of macaroni salad. We need to get on his level.
I just drunkenly accidentally had sex with my boss
Did you at least ask for a raise?
No but I am now the owner of one of either his or his roomate's teeshirts... Maybe I can use it to negotiate?
Can I send you a random dick pic? It's got a lightsaber tattoo
Randomize
