The first thing on our $10,000 damage bill was "condoms in the main drain"
U know its gonna be a great day when the guy at the liquor store waves at u cause u walked by
working out is totally making me break out.. i'm doomed to forever be either a butterface or a butterbod. there is no way out.
according to the random from alabama i slept with last night i kept saying "poor lil tink tink" over and over in my sleep
I'm doing somethin that's never been done before...the 10 am booty call come over
I mean nobody wants to admit they ate 9 cans of ravioli but i did and i am not ashamed of myself
All three of them were helicoptering their dicks to persuade me to take my thong off
I fell into a police barricade, a cop helped me up and asked if I've been drinking. I just looked at him and said "dude.." He proceeded to take out his handcuffs
All I know is that every time I looked at my glass it was full again and I thought it would be rude not to drink it
Dude... She just sent me a story of how she wants to fuck me on a boat and call me her captain.. Well ahoy mateys, lets set sail
We smoked a blunt in a stall where a drag queen was fucking a bartender in the ass. So theres gonna be a second date :)
I've orgasmed so many times tonight I think I've become enlightened
How drunk is too drunk to be on an airplane?
I can't tell if my need for dick is more than my want to strangle him
Also I've decided to start stealing shot glasses after I do the shots. You in?
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