I will come over but only if I don't have to take my sunglasses off for it
saw you had $9 in your checking acct, left $20 on your dresser so you won't be a whore this weekend
But i just feel like he will pull it out and ill panic. I mean its fairly basic. Up and down. But i feel like ill just freak out.
Just ran to the store on my way to the office to buy Diet Coke...the guy in front of me let me cut because it was 4 more minutes until 8am, so he wouldn't be able to purchase his vodka. I love Wisconsin
dont try to nair your balls. i speak from experience
"Take a picture of me motorboating molly" was probably not my best career move
basically at this point ill snort whatever you put in front of me and just hope
She just tried to snort granola up her nose but its ok she's not bleeding.
I just reached for my seatbelt when I sat down to pee... Might be a little hungover.
Waiting to interview and found a beer in my purse from last night
I have a better chance beating China's military with slap bracelets than this plan has of working.
Idk how I even got accepted into college because literally the only things my brain ever thinks about are YouTube videos of baby animals and sex.
So she said she could really go for a cheeseburger and I remembered I had one in my pocket. No idea where it came from.
I woke up to him crying and pouring pixy stix in my mouth saying they would bring me back to life.
to be fair i didnt know she wanted to sleep with me
WHY THE FUCK ELSE WOULD SHE DRAG A STRAIGT MAN INTO A VICTORIA'S SECRET CHANGEROOM GODDAMMIT
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