Just wanted to let you know that if you need my services as a male dancer for his birthday, let me kno so I can clear my schedule
just do him I won't tell jon
um i'm guessing you meant to send this to tina, thanks for the support in our relationship you whore
Life lesson: Don't give a drunk girl a dutch oven after having taco bell. She puked all over my pillow. Funny as hell though.
Why would he get rid of a girl with no gag reflex? I don't get it.
My poo smells like dog food. That's how I know it was a good night.
Considering the fact that you wouldn't give me my cat last night because he was "destined for broadway", yeah, I'm accusing you of stealing him
My roommate made me go home after I mooed at fat girls at the gas station.
just watched a cripple ollie in his wheelchair to get on to the elevated floor in the bar. I. LOVE. WISCONSIN
Most men with as many freckles as you aren't vagina magnets. You are an exception to your kind.
Can you come pick me up and take me to breakfast then the police station?
Where's your car?
The girl I brought home apparently stole it
You were typing for me while I was hyperventilating into a paper bag on the floor.
apparently I like to do this thing where I wear pretty dresses and then pee on things on public. Picture proof. Four times last week.
Just a suggestion, don't apricot scrub your vagina.
I got a hand job after work. Remember those? From the 90s...
She was topless, yelling this is Sparta, threatening to push her dad into the sewer. I am pretty sure she won't be at school.
Randomize
