I mean I like that it's warm enough to open the windows, but it annoys me that I can't walk around naked anymore.
remember last year when i left for the bar in flip flops and came back in heels?
it happened again.
No, this time she was diabetic. I think I fucked her into diabetic shock.
Who faxed a picture of their penis to the office printer?!
Don't worry, your car is safe with me. I am throwing watermelons out of it at mailboxes and hipster kids.
The doctor that gave me my std test is trying to hook me up with her daughter lol
First highlight of the semester: campus safety caught me peeing in the dirt parking lot by kappa. Then as they were about to write me up, they recognized me, laughed, and left.
Yea. I feel great. My life is great. My job isn't as shitty. And my daddy loves me. I love strip clubs. Great self esteem boost.
these people use weed stems as birthday cake candles. I'm never coming home
Nothing says "happy birthday" like a negative pregnancy test
what do we think the timeline is for when your liver will begin to revolt against your drinking habits?
PokemonGo as navigation to get some at 5:13 AM. Life choices, yo.
Pretty sure if we keep hanging out on Tuesdays there will be no whiskey left for the younger generations or the universe will implode....tomato tahmato
He's a college graduate, has an excellent job, and respects his family. To say nothing of his 8.5 inch cock. His narcolepsy not withstanding...I'm marrying this motherfucker.
He's such a jerk. If only his penis was attached to someone else
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