please tell me I'm in your upstairs bedroom. Just google mapped myself and I have no idea where I am.
That girl would be great looking if she lost 1000 pounds and cut off her head.
i opened her purse and found 4 bottles of vodka tampons and an unopened box of birth control...
I just came up with the perfect plan. Once i'm a dentist i'm going to offer dad a million dollars to divorce mom.
Ya I fucked her.. But now Melissa is gonna find out
Just tell her that in a man's never ending war between his heart and his dick... His heart never wins
Holy mother of cocks. I was grind-with-my-boss drunk last night.
Be prepared to possibly be invited to a fancy strip club breakfast on Friday and be prepared to say yes.
Sorry about giving you those ripped gym shorts after my dog ate your pants, but after the awkard BJ incident I didn't plan on hearing from you again
She insisted on cleaning her room in the dark. 5 minutes in, she forgot what she was doing and started putting shirts on instead of hanging them up.
Bitch guess who just got a fucking taser
Our motto for the night: BLACK OUT OR BACK OUT.
That's our motto every night.
She answered the door wearing a basket, said it was the only clean thing she had.
Just saw my ex AGAIN. The constellation of gays must be at some sort of weird point with Mercury.
i was so high when i left this morning that rather than make sandwiches i threw bread and peanut butter in my backpack. a whole loaf. and a whole jar
ever feel bored AND lazy?
I call it "awake" but yeah...
Randomize
