Make note: the first date is too soon to make the "condoms are only for making balloon animals" joke.
is it bad if my mug shot looks better than my profile picture?
I just wanna buy a tempur-pedic so i can drink in bed and not spill
I really wish you were half the slut you're sister was in college
I'm still not walking right. We need some boundaries for "drink-or-dare"...
I had my first sober conversation with his roommate. I remembered half way through that the first time we met I was getting fucked on his counter
Just peed in a urinal with another girl. It's that kind of night.
Smoked before work and just remembered i left pringles in my desk last time i was high. SCORE
I folded my dollar bills into mustaches in preparation for our trip to the strip club
I am literally drinking 7 day old water and looking for snacks in my room so I won't have to go in the hall and see roommate, because we accidentally banged last night. Please bring over some chicken and plan b.
The old guy next door tried to get me to go to his apartment for shots formoonshine. =-0
If that weren't so sketchy I would encourage it
Yeah it was almost as sketchy as a white panel van pulling up offering candy
What procrastination leads to: I have submitted a third of my job applications this week with a BAC that would get me arrested
In honor of Super Tuesday, we should have the sex tonight.
I know he's only a bandaid for my emotional disrepair, but he can stick me anytime!!
I'm a fuck boy trapped in a single mom's body.
Randomize
