Sarah, plain, and tall I adore you
you didnt remember my name all night. you kept referring to me as "the blonde with the fat ass"
I just had to take a drug test for my new job. I should have asked them if they could tell me if I were pregnant or not while they were at it and save me the guesswork.
I want to spend time with you, and by time, I mean real time. Not your dick in my mouth time.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I'm sad your dog died... Her name is my stripper name.
I just looked at the guy in the car next to me and he was wearing a divers mask. We just nodded cause we both understood.
My life now consists of 2 time frames. BV before vibrator and AD after death of my sex life.
I'm deep cleaning my room right now. Not sure if it actually needs it or if I'm just trying to symbolically cleanse myself of the last 24 hours.
I'm sorry you couldn't sneak away today. You're the only guy I'm fucking that I can talk with about the other guys I'm fucking, and I need some advice
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Tom is laying in a bathtub filled with ice pretending to be a polar bear.
Definitely worth waiting her kid to got to sleep when the first thing you hear once she's back is "I want you in my ass right now"
You yelled "I gave my neighbor some of my bitch sauce" and then passed out. You now have drinking limits with us.
Lmfao. We asked what you wanted to eat and you said vagina. I don't care what kind. Fresh, barbecue, roasted on a camp fire. I just want it on my taste buds.
I felt like a responsible adult. A responsible adult that may or may not end up shitfaced. But not heaving purple puke into a urinal like last time because I'm classy now.
And then you two got up and shouted in near perfect unison "I'M ALWAYS A SLUT FOR BASKIN ROBBINS" The bar just looked at us horrified.
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