i have a new swear word: supercalifuckaliciousexpialadamnit
At the T-Rex bar with my nephew...only in Disney can I have a beer and a soda at the bar with a 4 year old
thanks for showing me a good time......and your penis a few times. Thanks especially for that.
I have fifteen cents in cash and 80 cents in the bank. BUT I have weed.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
All I saw was a beagle come across the screen and explain the theory of relativity to me and leave
How sober do you have to be to donate blood?
He's more than prepared to help us move. Dude brought sunscreen, cans of Coke, and Captain Morgan.
I've been drunk in my life. But I've never been "crying in 5 Guys at 1 in the afternoon" drunk
On a scale of 1-10 how seriously are we considering being sugar babies?
I'm about a 7.95
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
After the Jell-o shots and about 6 shots of lighter fluid brand tequila, it got to the point where breathing was painful. All I could do was pray I didn't fall asleep in the front yard.
I had a dream last night that I answered the phone and after I said hello, Shia Lebeouf started yelling "DO IT! JUST DO IT!" That's when I knew, I had officially become meme trash.
The dicks good but it's not two trains and a bus good.
I made out with him in the club and he endorsed me on Linkedin. My networking skills are off the charts.
But I thought it was so funny last night
You also thought you were a gypsy mermaid last night
I just got dumped by my fuck buddy. Now I have to have sex with my husband.
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