I want to see a picture of the girl worth ruining our relationship for
bruce springsteen sings some of the most romantic songs i've ever heard.
the hells wrong with u
I just woke up in a puddle of boob sweat. Definitely time to consider a reduction.
Our cab driver just admitted to beating up kids in the 60's who didn't smoke pot...
ARE YOU GOING TO SACRIFICE YOUR LIFE FOR MCDONALDS HASHRBOWNS
why is my forehead so bruised?
i found you outside knocking on the door with your head because you couldn't lift your arms.
Carrying your underwear around in your purse on Sunday morning is its own religious experience
My period started right as he was entering, which really helped me sell the "I've never done this before" bit.
I HAVE A GENTLEMANLY VAGINA.
So, the officer that worked my wreck, I'm rockin his world tonight. He saw me high on morphine in the ER. So he knows my level of crazy. Think he'll agree to wear his gun?
So many things can go wrong tonight.
2 girls slept in my bed with me. 3 more girls slept on a mattress on my floor. The furthest I got was cuddling. Here's my man card.
Just got high and apologized to my vagina for getting chlamydia
he rolled over in the morning and told me happy valentines day. i don't even know his first name.
somehow I wound up on the floor crying about his beard. then telling everyone I'd give him a "lesbian blowjob".
If you find out what that means, show me.
Just landed in Atlanta. Still drunk. I can't feel my face
Randomize
