I had to remind him that there is no "age exchange rate" between the u.s. and spain, and that 16 will always equal 16
you went around the entire night in your french maid costume dusting off the "cob webs" on everyone's crotch saying "you havent gotten any action in a while"
I was wondering why i got so many friend requests the next day...
I need to hang out with girls who make more mistakes
Do you remember calling me and dedicating a shot to me?
Just pissed in my own closet. Had no idea adult dinner parties could he so awesome.
Like some sort of pot growing robin hood.
I just started talking about my sextoy because I wanted things to be normal again.
The molly dropped while I was taking a shit. Do you have any idea how scary that is?
That does not seem like timing
I danced with this guy last night, I left like I was humped by a blind baby kangaroo trying to body-box.
Is it socially acceptable to break up with someone over snapchat?
But the sex is so much better when he already has a girlfriend
Talking to him sober hurts my brain
I feel like the first time i have to use my accident insurance its going to be in some sex mishap with you.
I'm driving to work hungover. I feel like I got hit by a train and then drank that train too.
my dad just built a flame thrower.. you should probably get here
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