I think call of duty has replaced my masturbating. And I'm alright with that.
Having skype sex with him in the lounge at 1:45am...THIS IS WHAT HE DOES TO ME
I'm glad the dog doesn't judge me for doing leftover lines and watching George of the Jungle at 10 am
He's either jacking off or listening to Kanye West.
I just want a guy that likes cats and is willing to get a vasectomy. IS THAT SO MUCH TO ASK?!
I take pleasure in knowing how many gallons of booze we've put away in comradery.
I think we should measure in "bathtubs"
dude when I get home wanna help me fulfill my dream of smoking a bowl out of my saxophone?
All I want is to send a text that says "i slept with someone while wearing nothing but purple argyle socks this weekend." But the only person i would send that to is you. But you already know. Because they were your socks.
Did you seriously just hashtag my sex life as #yolo2013?
Face washed and sleeping pill taken. Here's hoping for a more sex filled tomorrow.
I just came rly close to telling a dude that I want to chew on him and there should be an oil painting of his ass up in the louvre before I realized that isn't how flirting is supposed to go
Never start off a conversation with "speaking of STD's..."
If he refers to me as slump buster one more fucking time.
You know you gave a quality blow job when you have to ice your neck and jaw the next day.
now whenever i pass that house all i can think about is how i pooped in their yard..
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