dude do u know what u did last night?
do i wanna know???
you totally walked in on some couple fuckin in their unlocked dorm room asking for directions to ur room...
i just won a 100 dollar gift card to walmart in a karaoke contest...i love kentucky
What happened to the watermelon?
You fucked it.
i pretty much saved your life. you were so conviced that your nail polish remover bottle was "Vodka Lemon"
He told me he was ok to drive home. Then I found him face-planted in the parking lot.
I asked about his 3 inch scar on his chest. It's from when he had to castrate a bull on the estancia. Apparently this is how good bull meat is made.
For using a life jacket as a pillow, I slept pretty good last night...
I'm eating cereal out of the pocket of my flannel right now
I don't remember how we paid for the cab. I do however remember giving him my heels 2 help with the bill.
Jason and steven are boiling shrimp in the microwave again
This weekend is gunna be a fucking shitshow. I don't even wanna know how many dicks will end up inside of me
You text him a porn site address and said GOODBYE ... I think he got the hint
I feel like I've been hit by a truck, flew up and landed on a fence post that went straight through my vagina. No more vodka and sex for a while.
Hahaha I can already see the arrest warrants. It's gonna be beautiful. I'll get them framed.
YOU MAKE ANAL SEX SOUND LIKE A SPORTING EVENT
Randomize
