My dad just told me if I'm going to smoke pot, to make sure I use a clean needle. WTF?
he was so high, he talked to my goldfish for an hour telling him the dangers of overfeeding.
theyll ask where you are and ill say on a date crying in a sombrero
like that time i did too much ghb at gay pride
In Berlin they just cured HIV with stem cells. I am hereby fucking anything that moves.
In hindsight, the torn ligament in my knee is probably the fault of the ginbucket and jager bombs starting at 3pm. I guess I'll stop blaming it on you.
Its official. I've reentered slutty territory. I was a condom away from having sex in a childs playhouse at a park. Oh and I lost my car keys.
Luke did at least 8 shots of pure mayonnaise last night. I am not sure if that is better or worse than my 2 cement mixers?
Literally everyone in the bar was absolutely hammered out of their minds. I swear I even saw the bartender swigging jd when he thought no one was looking. And there was me thinking Britain was the booziest nation in the world.
Welcome to America. You're gonna love it.
Drinking and pointing where stuff needs to go is hard stuff.
You knocked on your freshman year room door, told the kids who opened it "I own you", and attempted to force-feed them everclear.
Yess he was literally so drunk that like at one point I'm pretty sure he thought it was hard and in when neither were true :/ haha
I totally have a huge crush on him though which is fucking up my "classy she-demon with limited feelings" vibe
I'm not winning any crowns in the Miss Emotionally Stable pageant either...
I just texted him from the other room to come have sex with me-stress relieved
You are such a millennial
how did i manage to wake up with my bra on backwards?
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