Whats contracted in vegas does not stay in vegas....
college "breaks" should be renamed "reminder why you left your hell hole of a life in the first place"
the only good thing about these hospital visits are the free pregnancy tests
The only thing in that hotel room that we didn't fuck on was the roof
What I'm trying to say is, that time you chained me to my dresser and made me beg for it was incredibly romantic.
She just pored wine down the turkeys hole and said that she christened it like the whore that it is...happy thanksgiving.
I fell off my bed and busted open my chin on the prisoner of azkaban. Somehow missed the almost empty Jose handle next to it. So guess what I was doing last night?
Yeah play it cool maybe put in a kissy face though let him know you're giving an invitation for his dick
Lesson: Never rollerskate with a 40 in your hand unless you have a destination.
The original plan involved fireworks and a lot more dildos but the new one is still okay.
He was late, on account of he accidentally went to the Al-Anon meeting across the hall, and it took him 30 minutes to realize he was in the wrong room.
I'm a full-grown woman and thusly I expect my sphincters to behave themselves.
I have to make calls today at work. So I'm gonna call your phone and leave some random messages. Just delete them.
I told the border patrol officer she was smuggling drugs in her ass. I doubt she cheats on me again.
She said cowgirls can can pee standing up and proceeded to pull up her dress and drop her underwear.
Randomize
