so it turns out you can rearrange the letters in "scottsdale" to spell "milf city." who knew?
He belongs with you like a mcdonalds playground belongs in Chernobyl
PS Can you transmit a UTI to a sexual partner? I tried to ask, but the doctor just told me to abstain (sup Bristol) for my own good w/o answering
Promise me that if I become one of those sad people that facebook pesters you to 'reconnect with' you'll tell me so I can delete mine and save myself the humiliation?
dude.. you lit a cigarette on the bus and told the driver it was okay because you were fire marshall of your boy scout troop
she wrote "SORRY" in her vomit and left
He walked me home last night across campus while i fed him pasta out of a solo cup at 3 am.
I woke up and blew hamburger out my nose. That kinda night.
why did you let me tell everyone that you can get herpes from the ice luge and then let me do the ice luge?
Dear room mates I tried to shotgun pam in the kitchen. It is slippery. Please be careful. That is all. Love you.
Totally forgot I asked the cop for a theoretical fist bump and he still let me drive away
I can't believe I ever hated her sister or friends. They got her some sexy sexy ass lingerie for the honeymoon. I think I love them bitches
And also the fact that I woke up sandwiched between two gay men is probably fueling my day
We fucked, she finished, high fived me, the pulled a celebratory pack of gushers out of her purse for each of us. I'm going to marry your sister dude.
I smell like a brewery and I have been drinking for 7 hours. This seems like a perfect time to tell my husband I want a divorce.
Randomize
