so basically i'm the" little sister", he's the "big brother" and we just fucked
he calls his bong barack obonga, commander in kief. i found where i belong.
She woke me up, whispered "I like the size of your dick", kissed me, and rolled over and went back to sleep
I had to write an apology letter to security guards in the hotel so I didnt get kicked out
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New favorite drinking game: bobbing for jello shots. Where did these freshmen come from and when can we go there?
And I can say one thing, I look pretty good in high wasted pants. I don't know if that helps. But I do. God I'm high.
I just set a bowl of cap n crunch on fire. That high.
You asked me if you had to go downstairs to get upstairs. And then you forgot where you were.
Only you two could pull off a partner swap with honeymooners
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That moment when you notice a tiny IR camera pointing at you, in your bed, at the apartment you found on Craigslist.
I give up. I can't handle that class sober any longer. I have an army of whiskey shooters for the next three weeks. Wish me luck.
My mom comes home from her weekend with her lesbian co-workers and asks "You wanna know how I got these bruises?" I've never been more torn about anything EVER.
I believe you would have been proud of me last night.. I was chasin Fireball shots with Jack and Coke. Guess there's a reason they call me Whiskey Woman.
this relationship shit is hard. like i'd like to be able to watch veep without him trying to dry hump me. also im drunk and its 11 am so
did you know that sneaking into a golf course at midnight is a felony? the cop made sure to tell us after she peed on the course and hit on him
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