the Monday before Thanksgiving is not a Monday at all. Just Thursday in Monday suit.
Dude I think I vomited on the wireless internet box too...it isnt working.
I'm going to get so drunk tonight, I actually feel bad about the 30 seconds of drunken awkward sex I'm going to have with one lucky fat chick.
then out of nowhere we heard a voice yell "Fuck that pussy!"
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Just asked the bartender if I could use the register to see my grades.
The moment you ate chicken nuggets out of your purse you were my hero.
Where the hell did i get chicken nuggets from
before the moonshine you were already braiding the bouncers beard -_-
I see your walk of shame and raise you a day in jail wearing a girls old workout clothes.
I took Xanax and it did nothing to me. First sign I'm crazy and actually need it.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
my drivers license is super glued to my shoulder and im to hung over to get it off come and help me
I asked him if he wanted a pillow, and he replied "No. Batman never had pillows."
You thanked your mom for the gymnastic lessons so you could do a keg stand
do you ever look at a card in your wallet and reminisce about all of the drugs youve done with it?
We went there specifically for you to break it off with him and I walk in on you two in the bathroom with his dick in your mouth
but he had pizza... so i win
I give up.
So, I gotta figure when the nurses at the emergency room noticed my new hair cut it means I'm there too often, right?
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