Just found 50 pesos and a coke spoon in my dads old shit. Gotta love the 70s
Dude let's go to Saudi Arabia. They outlawed valentine's day. And probably love.
Does puking on your bio final mean I can retake it?
He gave me a promise ring. He promised that he will imagine me as every girl he fucks in college.
Dude. Apparently I just smoked some stuff that's used for Nigerian spirit quests.
He came up and told us to watch as he chugged his beer with no hands. Then asked if he could come drunk swimming with us.
The sorority chicks were the Persian army, and we were their 300 Spartans. Can barely stand up now...such a good ratio
I just want to see him this morning so I can bask in my wasted accomplishment.
Some random walked into our tent, woke her up and said "Harry Potter must not go back to Hogwarts!"
He took the bartender's challenge and took a Jello shot with a tarantula frozen inside.
This girl just texted me asking me to drop her cheese. What the fuck for that mean?
I should have made a run for it. Seriously who calls the cops on themselves and goes to jail. ...on a Monday.
I tried to celebrate Halloween, Thanksgiving, Hannukah, and New Years all in one night.
I think I may have fully transcended this spectrum of life. I can see beams of light man. Down to the photons
What
The only downside is I can't stop skipping
I just puked into a clean basket of laundry.
Randomize
