I hope you have a really shitty weekend. I love you.
I got so high that I decided to drive with my knees on the way home. Where am I going in life?
Nowhere
She knew it was going down when I had her search for "condoms" in my iPhone Maps.
you threw up in the bushes next to the ABC store and kept saying "you're home, blueberry vodka, you're home!"
Oh shit. Easter I forgot. Maybe we should leave the illegal stuff for when Jesus is less present.
That's okay, during storytime I would have to sit on my hands so I wouldn't touch everyone. Explains a lot...
Looking forward to meeting the person naked and passed out at my kitchen table.
And I really REALLY don't feel like cleaning cinnamon off my penis tonight.
They used the ice bucket from their room to drink beer from and called it the "Holy Grail"
i regret nothing
brb throwing up in the dishwasher
i regret everything
Like I blink, and he's face first in my vagina.
She has an alarming number of pictures with cat ears but the sex is amazing.
Checked my bank account this morning...apparently I went to 7-11 at 4am and spent $22 on taquitos. New all time low for me.
I ate all of them. New all time low for ME.
What better than a girl who loves jager, sexts like a champ and is down for t-bell at any hours of the night? oh wait, NOTHING.
we have beer and we're watching the birds have sex in our yard.
Randomize
