I'm playing the sound guy on a porno set
His pick-up line from last night: "I bet you cant climb these stairs right now." Needless to say.. it worked.
I just accidently deleted 60 gigs of porn from my external hard drive. Thats over 300 pornos! I think im gonna cry.
Im surprised that you are even able to text me right now.
I wish my grandma would stop using the phrase "he pulled out" when she's talking about her contractor quitting his job.
dude i dnt kno how, but i think theres a tampon in my butt
The bartender told me the best pick-up line was to look deep into her eyes and tell her your gonna flick her vagina
new call of duty comes out in november. guess im not passing my finals
you left a note on your car that said " please dont tow, im to drunk to drive. safety first!"
I had a guy present me his prison release form this morning as id
were drug buddies, doing lines off her ass is just a bonus
Granted I did fall into a pond wearing your dress, but I did save a frog in the process so I think it was worth it.
Just had a flashback of dry humping a man lying in the street while Jim (dressed as santa) screams 'HAVE YOU BEEN A GOOD BOY?!'
I already ran out of vodka but I have more beer. I just ran naked into the high school party down the street as took all theirs. ...figured no one wants to tackle the naked guy..
I'm offering you baseball tickets and my vagina, isn't that enough?
It was drunk tag. I was Alice in wonderland chasing a ballerina who was chasing Lance Armstrong who had needles in his arms.
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