i felt like cinderella. except at midnight i turned back into a whore.
There are few people I can ask this w/o being looked at as insane... Do you ever some days get fascinated by how amazing your own breast look?
I've drank myself into a smaller pants size. Who ever said alcoholism was unhealthy was mistaken.
it was a sick party until you insisted on putting on "that's how I beat shaq"
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
in the middle of it he kept shouting: im going to be masturbating to this for the rest of my life
And then you gave the bride a high five and said "Go forth and Consummate."
he ruins everything I try to do including his roommates
And here i was gonna offer you a complimentary blowjob.
You tried to put a condom on my dog, then he ate it.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
She dresses cool and she's mean. And she has fake boobs I feel like I can relate to her on so many levels.
Got a traffic ticket on the way home.. Literally cost me $171 to give him a blowjob. I swear the officer could smell the cum in my hair.
420 is off to a bad start. Mark wake/baked WAY too much, and he has spent over $50 on the claw machine in the grocery store.
I almost had sex at the fire station last night and I need you to acknowledge all the awesomeness that is in that sentence.
I just sucked dick on a ferry
Just did coke off my highschool yearbook. Not much has changed in 5 years.
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