she gave me a schnouzer then wanted to kiss while we were having sex...i had to puppy slap her nose. pick me up out front.
Say "Steve Buscemi is hot." with a straight face.
she told me she was pregnant in a never have i ever game
ew. I made a sandwich, and the cheese reminded me of her vagina
New York to be Host to America’s Biggest Singles Event
As soon as he lost the election, the reception's open bar became a cash bar. I have never been so disappointed in my countrymen.
I don't know if I have the sustained energy level for partying hard
Not a choice. You are mistaking my comments as options. My statements are facts. This is what is happening.
We've gotten 3 pitchers already by trading for CUPCAKES
It's all good. Going back to my room to try and air out my balls.
I've literally never felt worse
My body feels like its decomposing
Kylie Jenner Wasn’t in the Kardashian X-Mas Cards & the Internet is Losing it
I had to warn the neighbors
Warn them about what?! It's noon
"Pay no attention to me if at random points of the day I'm outside with kitty cat ears on" I'm a mess...
Are you wearing clothes?
Fuck no, who do you think I am
If you sleep with him again I'll have you spayed
I didn't think I was even that high but when we were standing in the cop car's headlights I totally forgot how to use my arms
If he's gonna send me dick pics; he should at least zoom in to make it look bigger.
I just want to get drunk and not have to worry about you leaving me at the bar.