with your own penis?
mom just said that her bf is good in bed. fml.
i am watching a movie about a vagina with teeth and then you sent that to me while im eating sushi.
i just hate vaginas for liking penis's insside them
Dude... You bled on his hand... At this point it doesn't matter that you called him your exes name, seriously.
I watched her choke out a bouncer with the broken strap from her purse, I think shes the one.
I know what youre going to say and vodka only explains half of my sitation
When u wake up, don't be alarmed by the passed out mariachi band, they're cool. Muchos gracias
He is now tagging himself in my pics from last year where he is barely visable in the corner. i feel like he's marking his territory.
i ordered a pipe on amazon, and under recommended items, it gave me a top hat. it knows me better than my parents.
The night went downhill when he lit her purse on fire and tried putting it out with vodka
It is completely possible to eat beef jerky sexually.
note to self: do not snort crushed up caffeine pills in the bathroom by yourself when ur super shit faced, ur face will fucking hate you in the morning.
I need more social interactions that don't involve sex
When we were having sex last night, I told him I would replace him with tacos
Oh, btw, UPS might come by. Drunk me ordered us $75 worth of gummy airhead starburst type candies. Whatever it is, it'll be delicious.