I have the sudden urge to buy a Snuggie and wear it to the grocery store.
I Once took so much Ecstacy that I tried to hug a fire.
Okay, I have a threesome with foreigners and suddenly I'm a man-whore
You guys coming?
We are smoking out the bouncer? But after that sure
hey everyone... booty call? my house tonight. bring friends to fuck my friends.
I Just paid off the bartender to help me convince this chic my roommate's gay. This is the best cockblock ever.
she was home schooled till college. were she learned how to give the most amazing blowjobs is still a mystery.
For some reason I just don't think you going to the gay bar alone on thanksgiving is a good idea.
I was riding her and she yelled "fuck me" then someone in the room next door yelled "you don't have to say it if youre doing it."
No matter how drunk I am or how drunk I'll ever be I love you
We BOTH lost our virginities there. It's basically a landmark.
He follows more cats on Instagram then he does girls.. That's how you know your boyfriend is whipped.
How about we just have a naked taco night instead?
A thong just fell out of my purse in front of my whole class maybe I should stop using this morning class as my walk of shame
Pandemic Silver Lining: cheap hotel rates makes it easier to have afternoon fun with my side dick
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