Decided to write a book called "girls don't poop and other myths I wish I still believed in"
just got cropdusted by the delivery guy...this was not in my job description.
When i look at that picture of him, i'm a little proud to be like yeah, his dick was in my mouth saturday no big deal.
No flights in Europe due to the volcano erupting. God himself is telling me to spend 4.20 in Amsterdam.
Is This New Dating App Elitist…Or Genius?
He passed out while I was riding him, and just when I was about to call it quits he opens his eyes and squeezes my boobs and goes Honk! Honk!
I'm sick of being broke. I had vicodin and frosting for lunch.
I will not be a drunk bitch. I will not be a drunk bitch. Chanting this until it's second nature.
Drinking in moderation can be fun. Drinking in moderation can be fun. Chanting this until it becomes true.
Omg do you remember last night you kept pointing to your vag asking who wants to play this like a fiddle hahaha
That is an awkward looking cockshot, not gonna lie
Stay Away From These 29 Online Dating Red Flags
He left weed in my bong for me this morning. What a guy.
Yeah he drove 30 minutes at 3 AM to come fuck me in my neighbors treehouse
Then James put his arms through the window and grabbed him, like he was Robocop. A nerdy, portly Robocop.
Who is this?
My roommate taped his phone to the ceiling fan to simulate walking so he could hatch Pokémon. Lazy people will always find a way.
I NEED A MOM FRIEND. NOW.
I feel like any time there's that much rope, lingerie, and horse masks on the ground, it's safe to say it was a great night