My sheets look like a crime scene.
He woke me up by trying to shove oreos in my mouth. im ready to go home now
Is it just me, or does Colt McCoy look like Herbie the Dentist from "Rudolph the Red-nosed Reindeer"?
You make shower sex sound like waterboarding
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I'm sorry I can't get drinks with you. I have to make sure my dad doesn't go to jail.
I'm trying to find candidates for my winter break hook up. I'm going to hold auditions thanksgiving break.
Im done having sex . he ruined it for me after he said " can we use my penis as a shovel ?"
I said you have to fuck the german guy and take one for the team...it's a once in a lifetime opportunity you know.
Youre not supposed to get arrested if your parents fly you home for christmas!
True but this has the bonus of them maybe not wanting to fly me home next year, im good with that didnt wanna go in the first place.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I actually had to tell him that sex doesn't replace my Tupperware. Our relationship has reached a weird level.
I just came so hard my vision went blurry. I can only hope one day I'll find a man that can accomplish what my left hand does on a tri-daily basis.
You just put lesbians and Hogwarts in the same sentence. Of course I'm in.
Her car is covered in frozen vomit, and she lost her iPhone. I'm also pretty sure I smoked crack last night. Rest in peace 2014.
The body is still out there. I don't think my trainer realized when he asked me not to drink for 24 days, how often I see dead people
I got arrested in a leprechaun onesie
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