Having kids is risky. They might end up weird.
"Worlds Wildest Videos" should be called "Crazy White People"
How am I still drunk? Whoever said breakfast is the most important meal obviously didn't skip dinner and go drinking.
at the gym hungover with vodka in a water bottle. don't say i'm not fulfilling my resolutions
It was so weird. She left to go to the bathroom and her older sister leaned towards me with a creepy smile and said, "You don't deserve her" and then continued to stare at me with a crazy expression for the rest of the evening.
That's kinky shit dude.
Thank you for not puking on my lap during the first class of the semester. And fuck you for doing it in the second.
Oh that could end badly if you get them mixed up.. you know who I think you should focus on?? THE ONE WITH THE BIG BLACK COCK, just sayin
Also, I'm going to yoga because I have a Taylor Swift range of emotions right now.
The school security guard knows my name.... I think I'm missing some memories...
His cat kept scratching my feet while we were having sex. There's only room for one pussy around here. It also concerns me that he owns a cat.
He was making a joke about signing my name on this piece of paper. He has a whole bucket filled with names on pieces of paper. I think thats how he keeps count.
I think my brain has decided it's boycotting life until it can do whatever it wants.
Totally unrelated, but by the way I DO have one ball bigger than the other.
Um. I just realized I still have a beer in my purse from last night. I'm at work. I am so classy.
I peed in my closet, which at the time looked like a sparkly bathroom...
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