Sometimes when I whip my dick out it looks REAL impressive. This, was NOT one of those times.
capt morgan doesn't hurt if you honestly believe it's golden flavored kool-aid.
As soon as I saw the video camera and red light on, I started rolling my eyes when he would put it in me and telling him maybe his dick was too small cause I didn't feel anything...trust me that tape is going nowhere
In other news I saw a pack of make believe zombies walking down green st.
gotta love wednesdays
so, is "hi, did i take your virginity six years ago and never call afterwards?" an appropriate greeting in a bar?
I need $500 dollars more than I need a night of dignity... I gonna do it.
She sent pictures and the names of her 2 cats and her dog and told me that I should be happy to have met the whole family.
You must be good in bed dude
PLAN B IS EXPENSIVE ON A $50 A WEEK BUDGET.
i was really hopeful that i could make it to the end of the semester without doing something stupid enough to destroy our relationship but i guess i was wrong..........thanks vodka
So apparently Facebook just randomly finds the girl who gave me a hard handy despite having no mutual friends...
Tinder recommend to a friend: making threesomes easier since 2016
You know the force is loosing strength when Darth Vader can't handle his liquor on halloween.
I'm literally trapped as the little spoon on a mattress on the floor of an unfinished basement with a professional athlete snoring in my hair
Do u think the bouncer will let me in with a giant stuffed snake?
Can I use your boat
Also, what’s the deal with international water? Do they have signs out there like a city does or do I need a map?
WTH is going on? It’s the middle of the night
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