I dont need to watch it. And stop comparing your life to Entourage.
I love him more than I love myself. Which is a lot...Because I'm narcissistic.
By the way, your roommate is right. His penis is much bigger than yours.
I just remembered I gave a homeless man a ride to his bridge last night.
I think a girl in front of me glued an ugg tag to a weird pair of boots.
I guess I fist pumped too hard. I hit my mom in the face and now we're sitting in the ER.
When we told the nurse what happened, she replied with "OH, Well you don't look Italian to me!"
On an unrelated note: I'm also a big advocate of the "never waste a boner" theory.
He told me he wanted to sleep but I touched his penis and listened to his heart beat start racing. I knew sleeping was bullshit.
Use your nursing skills for good, not evil.
I told him if he went to see magic mike with me I'd cover his eyes during the penis parts
So maybe putting the blacklight above the futon wasn't the best idea...
There was blow residue on my chem book and my TA was like, did u stain your notebook with CaCO3?
New drinking game: Drink while you Drink. I'll explain the rules when I see you, needless to say, it's not difficult. Unless you enjoy sobriety, humanity and life. Bestest.
I'M SO LONELY THAT I TEXTED THE FRESHMAN
SOME DUDE PUT OUT FOR A MCCHICKEN AND YET YOU STILL WON'T FUCK ME
so I just realized.. of my 70k student loan debt, most of it went toward bar tabs, eightballs, and sweet-ass ties to wear to gamedays and other people's weddings. I think about shit like this while I'm at my mid-level management position. you know. "working."
Look upon your future, America, and despair.
Randomize
