I want to make a porn site called "girls with daddy issues"
i just sold a bong and some oregano to fifth graders for sixty dollars. doing something tonight?
My parents just suggested that we tailgate the midnight christmas service. this is my gene pool.
Don't know how I even got in. I pulled my id out and threw it at the bouncer, and he just picked it up, checked it, and let me in.
I was naked with an australian flag taped to my boobs. Damn internationals think they can claim everything.
I'm doing shots of jagger in dixi cups and making a lesson plan for my 8th grader summer school class. My life is so close to adulthood I can taste it
Well after last night I am convinced he is real life Tyler Durden. He only exists to me and somehow keeps me out of jail this entire time
He offered to buy me free breakfast if I stayed at the hotel overnight with him. I then realized they have a complimentary breakfast.
I WOLD FCUK YUO INTOO THE MOON
THE MOOOOOOOON
You're the only guy I know who could convince a lady at the pharmacy to trade you her pain pills for your antibiotics.
It all started with a game of naked twister.
drinking vodka out of a wine glass to feel a little bit classier about myself.
Fun fact: I came home from the riverboat without my panties. And woke up with a different pair on.
Wanna buy a dildo with me during your lunch break tomorrow?
All I remember was my mom walking through the door, and then me asking her if she wanted a hit.
Randomize
