I hate your face
dude she wont stop talking about little people big world...she said my penis looked like zach roloff and took a picture with her phone?
Took her home last night and it was like trying to put an oyster in a slot machine. I may have drank a little too much.
i just threw up ON my final. epic way to end the semester.
After we hooked up, he left the room and no one has seen him since last night. That kid redefined hit it and quit it.
Have you ever wondered what your stripper song would be?
We stole a cat. That is all you need to know.
You drank everything last night. It was like this huge deconstructed long island that went on for 5 hours
Honey, I don't care how "classic you" this is. It's not gonna matter if we can't find you in the morning.
not saying it was a bad idea to throw an impromptu party but someone stole the microwave
These pissing matches have to stop. They led to last night's scotch through the nose shots. I'll never smell again.
Don't come. It's not even a party it's a total sausage fest. Like 20 drunk dudes in a bedroom. We can still drink by ourselves though it'll be ok
Body shots with my MILFs MILF!!
All I did was send my mom an ecard
I reek of vagina.. My cab driver commented.
The highlight of the trip was definitely my dad telling me that I "used to be his prettiest daughter."
Randomize
