We saw some woman wearing leather pants. It was weird. We have decided to follow her on her travels to see where people go in leather pants in Michigan.
So can I buy you a drink sometime?
Sure, but make it a double, I'm drinking for two these days.
this boner is exhausting
They asked me to help them shop for lingerie.
Tell them everything looks awful, makes their ass look fat, etc. You'll wreck their self esteem and likely both have sex with you to make themselves feel better.
You're the most understanding sister I could ever ask for.
Drunk sex destroyed my coffee table... ikea this weekend?
She started ignoring us once we told her we were out to celebrate your abortion. Who knew strippers could be judgemental?
I made this pact with my vagina, though. No more heartless fuckery.
Dude, you sent that text at 9:44 AM. Who thinks of drugs that early?
There's a bag in my room with garbage, a thong, fritos, and an electrical cord. I'm assuming it's yours
........yyyyyyeah that's me
I think i'm going to homewreck at this Disney on Ice show.
I'm still a bit day drunk and decided to go for a run. You may get a snapchat of me vomiting soon
So apparently, after 11 beers, 2 pitchers of sangria and 3 rhum & cokes, the idea of popping a load of MD and jumping on the trampoline, in the woods, in my underwear was the best one ever.
Well my normal tinder strategy of "Will I have sex with her when I'm sober" has been paying off
Once you find out someone has a small dick, you never look at them the same again.
he walked off and puked in the sand. then he made a sand castle over it so that "it wouldn't upset the kids"
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