I am not drunk. I will recite the pledge.
I don't want you to recite the pledge!
Pledge alligien to america to united states of america
Should I shave my pubes in the shape of a top hat so I can nickname my junk Abe Lincoln?
anyone who has a picture of a ferrari with the caption "mAh DreAM caR" is getting denied as my facebook friend.
i had 75 notifications coming from ur status. here i was thinking i had friends.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
tiger just fucked it up for all of us...she grabbed my phone this morning and started asking questions.
he's drinking at 8 in the morning. it's going to be one of those "or else the terrorists have won" kinda days
You passed out and she managed to carry you all the way back to your dorm last night. I believe your testicles now her property.
I jumped on his cock in 2 seconds flat. Thanks mom for sending me to gymnastics when I was a kid.
After I finished inserting the catheter he said he thought my name was familiar. Didn't have the nerve to tell him he was my fifth grade teacher.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
If I was gonna be at your campus for halloween weekend, I'd dress up as the masked horny fairy and give out condoms. I'm so thoughtful.
the straight edge chick smoked with me, because according to her my bowl is pretty
Apparently I pulled that girl's number while I was trying to insist my drivers license had enough money on it to cover the tab.
I thought you couldn't go near Germans after that restraining order
My liver can't handle being unemployed!
I think my moral compass just broke
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