Can I ask u a weird question?
Sure
do u have the hershy squirts too?
That was the scariest sex i've ever heard....
It was the best sex i've ever had.
I ended up taking shots of whiskey and chasing them with potato wedges, I have never felt more Irish
in my drunkeness I still was able to plan for the morning. I duck taped my keys, a water bottle full of mimosa and my cell phone to the front door.
I hate that he uses me for something other than sex. What does he think I am? His girlfriend? Ha.
I now own a bag of cigarettes and have no purse, awesome
Worst case scenario, I put a giant cork in your vagina so you don't give birth before my birthday
I'm happily sitting on the toilet cause I'm too tired to move. I'm considering making this my permanent residence. It has a lot to offer.
The compounded multi day delayed hangover hit me hard today, with a vengeance normally reserved for large objects that go in my ass. I don't feel good.
In light of this week's heat-wave, we are having a house vote tonight on the temporary suspension of the "no smoking indoors" clause. Please bring your voting cards to the living room at 6:30pm
Point of Clarification: by "voting card" we mean a full beer and/or shots
She's like the King Midas of sexual confusion. Everything she touches turns to gay.
Played never have I ever with high schoolers today. Needless to say they brought up threesomes so I had to make a judgement call and decided to not put my finger down
Stop calling my penis "Fat Jesus"
I've had pants off for 3 hours now. America.
I answered the booty call in my Trophy Wife cutoff and my ex-boyfriends sweatpants with a bottle of jager.
and how was that received?
Randomize
