thanks...oh and i got my period
told you
oh hush
So i just got diagnosed with swine flu. im at walgreens looking like shit and this guy keeps staring at me. Im so gonna cough in his face.
well, dont
I didnt. i just coughed then looked at him menacingly. he got it.
He went soft
Wait. During?
Yeah, he was IN. MY. MOUTH.
she said if I bought her franzia she would blow me, and she would fuck me if I splurged on martini and rossi. Franzia it is
Lowest moment of my life just occurred. I literally threw up all over myself in front of my parents.
Woke up with pink eye in both my eyes. That's how the threesome went
If our dicks could shake hands in congratulations they would
Next year we will be 30 and no more shots during the week.
Maybe I'm a robot.
You can't be that drunk already
Some old chick is rubbing my thigh and saying she needs some Memorial Day dick. Her teeth are kind of gross but I'm going for it.
Grandpa just put 6 jello shots on his plate. My aunt tried to take them away; he flipped her off. Living in the retirement home has hardened him.
I'm so proud of us for not dying.
It's like the cookie assaulted me with being high.
Also I ordered a dildo and I'm not sure if I want it still, so there might be a free dildo in your future
Please come check out theses cougars grinding on a pole. I feel like they're showing us up and we need a duel stat
Randomize
