I use a guy for sex and get three minutes out of him. go figure
She makes me want to have breakfast margaritas every day
just saw a midget ride a motorized cooler into the liquor store. i'm gonna follow him home.
Every perfect package comes with a warning label.
He tried to give me a shoulder massage while i peed in the neighbors bushes to "make it more relaxing."... I let him... That drunk
It was like an alcohol war zone and you left a soldier behind.
Apparently I told the girl smoking was terrible for her, and then requested it in my mouth.
How did it go last night?
Woke up head half shaved and a burrito? So good and bad?
when i saw his roomate the next night he kept openly referring to me as "the girl who orgasms loud" when he would try to get my attention
Like what? And no, shrooms cannot be party favors.
What's rude is him not accepting my blowjob offer. What kind of guy denies that.
last time we were there you stole a tap from the toilets. How are you confused that your bag is full of baubles you clearly can't stop collecting their furnishings
Heyyyy, naked guy in your kitchen, can i ask you a quick question about a legal situation in pb??
ill let you put your finger in a lot of things. but a ring is not one of them.
Who’s got two thumbs and just got laid in the administration building?
Randomize
