We may have a problem that even dr. phil cant solve
You're such a slut.
I prefer opportunist.
Let's face it. We both have sexy parts. Why not have them touch?!
There is a keg full of gin. THERE SHOULD NEVER EVER BE A KEG FULL OF GIN.
Now go wash the fat girl off your hands.
She needs to learn she only fits into our friendship as a DD.
I forgot to tell you about my 7:30am Sunday morning run to the local convenience store to buy condoms, a du-rag and a shot glass
What's a quick way to get over an ex-boyfriend? To hear about how he threw up in a cup and then drank it. That's how.
Got laid in my rudolph onesie for the second year in a row. New tradition? Absolutely.
My synapses wont fire in a pattern that will process those facts
All I know is that I woke up in a soccer players' dorm, and he said that I kept telling him my mouth was a "net for his balls" last night at the bar..
Just got a ride from a stranger while walking a mile home as it hailed with no coat. He asked me if I smoked, then said he just made some potent cookies and I could have one.
The cookie was what I originally wanted to tell you. Always say yes to drugs from strangers
Imagine how different my life would be if I could find a man who gave me more pleasure than pizza at 2am when I'm drunk.
I sent her a video on Snapchat of me cumming, with a Father's Day snap filter that said "#1 Dad".
You were sober bartending last night right?
Sorta. I remember you crying, ripping rose petals off the flower stem and slowly sprinkling them behind the bar at me and singing softly
Romantic
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