How do you know one of your one night stands hasn't produced a child? You may have hundreds of kids.
Pretty sure I don't. One night stands are purely anal..no exceptions.
his dad told me thanks for making his little boy a man at breakfast this morning
So apparently when I was 2, I went around drinking everybody's beer at some wedding, then passed out in a corner....
This explains a lot.
you called me and cried until i agreed to record a rap about our lives with you
Just remember that she is a giant dick-sucking forehead and you are better than that.
We need to put it on a rope attached to the bong, so it can't be dropped. Apparently, you need a stem safety leash.
Lets get real here, ive seen your moms breasts multiple times
Maybe we should invest in one and when one of us wishes to be a hot mess in a wheel chair the other one will push the mess around to wherever it wants to go.
They tried to dine n dash at dennys and the waiter jumped on their car and broke their windshield
I've gotten 2 singers numbers, a 6'5 dude has promised to take me to Oktoberfest, and I spent the night w a pilot named Zeus who looks like caramel tastes. Also I sprained my thumb punching some guy I named 'hater'. I love Nashville
i have to vacuum my washing machine now, asshole
Can we just get drunk and watch the Birdcage please I have no tolerance for straight men today
I'm gonna forget you just shared your personal blowjob aesthetic with me and move on
You're going to love the baby's room.
I doubt it. I can't have sex there anymore. That severely limits the appeal of the room to me.
Talk shit all you want but with my new knife sharpener I have a lethal razor sharp pizza cutter. Fuck with me Mario I dare you!
Randomize
