and trust me i need no booty pop lessons
I want to see you every morning in the kitchen ass naykid on roller blades making pancakes.
Stop sending me these texts. This is your mom, not your girlfriend.
what do 4 police cars, 1 ambulence, and 2 fire truycks have in common?.... My driveway
After a valiant attempt at golf, I think it's time for Tiger to go back to doing what he does best- having sex w/ blond, white women.
My family just legit passed around a fifth of Maker's Mark. Also, this is sort of a Thanksgiving tradition. Also, Maker's Mark is really good.
They're taking me to ER. Mistasnkingly. Come get me.
I think the name vodka for a girl is amazing
I was short on money so I let my roommate mase me for $60
trying to figure out why the only thing in our freezer is an expired loaf of bread, a white t shirt, and a receipt from taco bell for 37.50 from last Friday
I ate shit on a rock, and when I got up this car full of people asked me if I was okay, and I just sprinted away screaming "I am a banana!"
I had to warn the neighbors
Warn them about what?! It's noon
"Pay no attention to me if at random points of the day I'm outside with kitty cat ears on" I'm a mess...
if this uncomfortable exchange we're having is you trying to flirt with me i suggest you stop it before someone gets hurt
I'm taking pictures of my asshole to send to my boss. This is not what I had in mind the day after thanksgiving.
Aka I'm headed to the liquor store because I don't know how to handle my emotions.
Wanna get drunk and make some bad decisions?
Are you calling me a bad decision?
Randomize
