cannot fit in my clothes. too depressed to drink.
if you drink enough to puke, it's like a weight loss plan.
i just shoved 27 marshmallows in my mouth
well thats a nice change of pace from what you normally put in your mouth
We have to go find her fucking car. She came home from a 80 dollar cab ride, no shoes, and all she remembers is its at a burger king on a street with an H in it
Theyr drawing diagrams to try to explain to me how high they are
Yeah sketchy neighborhood.. Some woman ran by screaming, "i didn't steal anything" as some cops rolled up and arrested her.
A lesson I learned in the hospital....when you masturbate while attached to a heart monitor, it scares the nurses a lot.
Thank God for cruise control and the Starbucks cup I had to puke in.
If theres one good thing that came out of our relationship its this chicken recipe. And squirting.
stuck in the elevator with that hot guy from the 3rd flood. Worried he can smell my spray tan and desperation
I'd rather be sodomized with a fullly decorated Christmas tree.
You just said you hate yourself then sent me a picture of your friend's penis. Clearly this is a night of honesty.
It's entirely possible that I'm fucking yet another gay guy
Rebecca hasn't has this number in 3 months. Please tell all her friends to stop calling at 3 am. We are not interested in buying or selling drugs nor do we want to hook up with anyone. You all need to go to rehab.
I'm getting drunk off Malibu and watching Drag Race and it's only 2 in the afternoon. I'm the poster child for sad gay men.
I'm too horny to sleep. I need some violent sex to wind me down.
Randomize
