I'm too stoned for this. I'm Canadian.
he found you with your pants down, trying to straddle the urinal. no one should have to see their sister like that. ever.
I heard about the break up and if you need a place to stay my vagina is open for you 24/7
And by "schedule" I meant crumbled up liquor store receipt, that I wrote shit on.
Need you on the dancefloor. Hungry and lonely.
Remind me in the morning that I've now seen a guy do crack. That actually happened. I'm at the wrong party.
your life is going to be an empowering working mom montage tomorrow to Katy P's ROAR... --are you living in a yoplaít comercial?
On a completely different note: my hookup and i are now in a semester GPA competition. Winner gets froyo and sexual favors. School just got interesting.....
I just had sex with the male version of myself. looks, mindset, even our boob to dick ratio was the same
new dating motto: let your guard down, not your panties
He tried to buy me a drink at dollar beer night. All 3 of his credit cards were declined, so he asked me if I could cover it. Needless to say, I'm not calling him back.
Breaking news: when you're gone every towel is a dick towel
Texting people and counting condoms..we have like fourteen. Goal for this week: use all of them
Just used the word fistfucking in a serious conversation with my professor in front of the class, while making an appropriate and valid point. Win.
OMG OMG OMG Ive hit the penis jackpot
It seriously took everything in my power not to sleep with him
What did it come out and serenade you? Lol
It sang to me in the dark. It was magical
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