Yes give me all the cream and he's gone
that's an acceptable place to lick
Not good, Ive never been this late. We need to talk.
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you kept naming everything at the party...like "boy i'm going to make out with" and "table i'm going to dance on later"
I just claimed my unemployment in Vegas. This seems wrong.
Dude how the fuck are we gonna get the lawnmower outta the pool?
Just threw up on my desk at work. They are making me go home.
He's prob getting laid right now and I'm sitting alone in my duct tape shoes.
My mom's 50 year old alcoholic friend just told me about how she was more whoreish then us at our age. Challenge accepted.
Well pretty sure I lost 3 of my best friends in one week. Remember when I said I wasn't sure if I was gonna be a better person or a more despicable one in 2012. Despicable wins.
While looking for an apartment, I've realized that the way I rate balconies is on the "how easy would it be to smoke weed here" scale.
What other scale is there?
At 4 am, making my walk of shame, the hotel security followed me to my car with his flashlight shined directly on me. I felt like either a criminal or like I was about to get raped. Can't a girl sneak out of a hotel room without an actual spotlight on her?!?!?!
I give you full permission to seriously injure me the next time I think it's a good idea to face a bottle of vodka
ok now I feel liek a very drunk human instead of a chaos being thanks water
I woke up alone, naked in her bed staring at a lifesize poster of edward cullen,actually I'm lying I did have socks on
Randomize
