hey no worries the mystery has been solved- i jst sneezed and my undies popped outta my nose.
no, no, no. omg. i said i wanted a SANDWICH! not a picture of your dick. damn cant you read? SANDWICH! now im blinded. great job.
I showed remarkable dignity in such a compromising situation. Except I came off as sort of a blue ball giver.
Living room yoga. I'm too hungover to deal with anyone else's chi today.
Happiness is the polar opposite of catching your dad watching holiday themed porn
Just woke up with an eye that wont open, a half eaten piece of pizza on my chest and a raging boner.
I FOUND AN AUSTRALIAN THEY CALL VOMMING 'RAINBOW SNEEZING' I'M NEVER LETTING HIM LEAVE EVER
I don't think she can come out, she went too hard in the Intro to Theater Drinking Game at 2:30
How drunk is "too drunk" for candlelight service?
She made me walk a straight line to prove i was sober enough to help carry you to the car
Knowing you it was perfect out of spite. Like. A line straighter than YOU
I know. In fairness he did tell me to throw up out his window onto his roof so I don't think he's pissed at me but I'm still mortified by the whole situation.
He's got the good dick trifecta - flip phone, works outside, bed with no headboard.
If I ever write a memoir I'm thinking "Choosing to sit in a vat of shit" would fit
i just wanna know who wrote "dibbz" on my ass?
I love you. Doing a double. Going to die. It will be painful. Let the world know i partied. God, did i party.
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