I just wanted to draw pictures of limp wieners on peoples doors and smash pictures of palm trees. That's it.
I think the sex offender registry is kind of a VIP list. You get to not live near noisy schools and parks and all your neighbors get to know you.
My entire floor is waiting for the couple to come out of the shower. She's a screamer. We've blockaded them
I imagine my 13 hours of sleep after my 3 day upper bender was similar to Jesus rising from the dead.
It went from "haha, this will be funny" to "full blown anime porn fetish"
hell no. last time, i couldn't pee straight for a week.
Oh, and trying to figure out who wants to do Molly in a frat is like asking damn children if they want puppies and candy. So just bring as much as possible.
We can't BOTH have terrible sex lives. Get fucked or throw him out.
I came to the party for him. I don't know where he went, but I mentioned being hungry and his housemate brought me a huge tupperware container of berry cobbler. I think I'll stay.
Me and tommy were trying to figure out why our printer was jammed, found a condom stuck in the paper slot. #collegeprobs
This time last year, you were undressing me from my gecko costume and getting freaky in a public bathroom. Tough to top that New Years Eve.
You brought a jar of mayonnaise to bed. It doesn't get any worse than that.
If you had amazing eyebrows i'd have sex with them.
I mean I'm completely serious and also drunk.
What a great combination.
Congrats, you are the first person our bartender ever met that actually needed wheeled out of a bar in a wheelchair. He said you were his hero.
Randomize
