I wanna crawl in your skin and have dreams about Bobby Kennedy tonight.
I bet the first cavemant to make fire got so much pussy
I wish i could convert my hornyness to productiveness. I would have written a fucking book by now.
some girl that im facebook friends with has H1N1, im scared to even go to her facebook page
On a scale of 1 to last weekend, how hungover are you?
I drove to Chevron at noon and the Hatian lady goes "Oh, nothing to drink yet white boy?"
Calling yourself a modern day Geisha doesn't justify being a whore.
right before he passed out he said "take care of your tender spirit"
July 5th AKA Day of regret AKA picnicing in a laundromat. Someone puked allover the comforter. Liffe of champions.
I don't really know how to explain this place...it's like I feel like I need an std just to fit in
Regardless of the amount of alcohol you may consume tonight - DON'T take anybody home
I feel that the drunker I get, the drunker Facebook gets.
Bitch, it's 2 in the afternoon.
the amount of chicks and firearms here is unnerving. this will end awesomely or at the morgue.
that's the second time I've made out with him and woken up with my pants stuffed with PBRs I am convinced he's magic
once he tried to wake me up from my hangover nap to have sex, that's when things went downhill. he had to go.
Dude you literally tried to cook your phone in the microwave. You were so wasted you asked your mom to help you turn it on.
Randomize
