so i was creeping on him today and there was like nothing new except he became a fan of getting dome
i wish i could be like. "i like giving dome, lets be friends"
Big sunglasses are the new paper bag
ya. and they're way easier to confince girls to wear during sex
I wish they had nachos that got you drunk
people from other dorms came to marvel at the dump i took. i had a bio major take a picture.
He's the biggest piece of shit to ever exist. He's not even wearing shoes.
You just handed me your ATM card and wrote your PIN number on a dollar bill and said "for bail money."
he asked me to "shake his dick" when he introduced himself, playing naked football with you in our living room. $100 says you two get married one day.
Pictures of drunk me in a bike helmet are like McDonald's collectible toys. There's sooo many, but NO ONE has seen all of them.
Jesus Christ that hit just spoke to so many levels of my soul. It's caressing them softly
I'm a bit offended I got no nudies back but it's whatever
They're in the mail. Snapchats too fast. I want the suspense.
What is it with the dog running away when we have epic hangovers
In that state of mind I managed to bounce back from getting hit by a golf cart and convince an investigations officer that I was okay to go into the game.
dude, im taking a shit and i just realized it's his MOM in the shower not him...oh fuck
I think one of my ovaries is committing suicide. But that is a topic for another day.
That’s all I need in life: vibrators, butt plugs, strawberry lube, and sour gummies
Randomize
