i passed out on the floor in my hallway and woke up with my dog licking himself 2 inches from my face. my first reaction? envy
I have found the one flaw to the great pride I took as a guy to not have to sit down to pee...having to sneeze while peeing.
you were grabbing cocks left and right
you literally grabbed sam's dick and said, "who's cock is this?!"
It just sucks seeing everyone get flowers but me...
yeah, but they die. it takes a while, but they die. just like all of these kids relationships will. tequila doesnt die. its a live in the moment thing... like a valentines day one night stand. so long run, tequila is the better gift.
You dont understand. she was my french AND spanish teacher. that's 2 kinds of freaky. i have to find her on facebook.
his semen tasted like maple syrup. no wonder fat girls always wanna fuck him.
Why do my balls have what looks like rust on them?
I found my phone outside under the leaves by the curb. What the fuck did I do last night
Should I tell them about my ticket for possession or about how I'm shitting blood? Which one will gain the most sympathy?
My boss just told me not to come back to work if I decide to drink. Challenge accepted.
I am sending my doctor an XXXMas card thanking him for my tits!
just found out I was hugging strangers at the bar last night. there's photographic evidence. I know none of them
FOUND: my underwear in the cabinet above the toilet. What the actual fuck.
I would steal a car if I knew it had wheat thins in it
is it necessary to steal the whole car?
Haha I wasn't coming anyway. I'm watching Snow White and don't want to put pants back on. Those are completely unrelated. Have a good night.
Randomize
