And, I saw Emily's panties. How? She doesn't sit like a lady.
I didn't cheat on him. Cheating means finding out. I made sure he was at work first. After the guy left I got shitfaced just so nothing seemed out of the ordinary when he came home.
I just fucked a rockette. This would have been amazing a week ago.
Hiding in the clothes rack at walmart like a 4 year old. Already scared 3 people. New fav weekend activity
Dude, somewhere around here makes 4loko slushies. I just decided coming home isn't so bad.
The higher i get, the less gay he looks, and the more i want to make out with him. This is dangerous.
hey, haven't seen your testicles in a while...you 3 still alive?
Dude your neighbors are having a garage sale. They were judging me as I walk of shamed back to my car.
its weird that my cat bites every fat chick i bring home. i repeat every fat chick, qhT KINDA FRIEND ARE YOU
Yeeeaahhh, I'm in no rush to dismiss a level 6 booty-call that pays my bar tabs and understands my Harry Potter obsession.
Only you could make a reflective vest look even remotely sexy
You can't break up with me. I brought you to see Beyoncé.
Idk I think he's weird but he's also from Wisconsin so that might have something to do with it.
im gonna miss him. and by him, i mean his dick
It was all like "my feathers evolved from scales of a reptile bitches!!" and I was all like "damn this chocolate milk is AWW SOOME!"
Randomize
