Getting fucked up met up rando with a girl I confesswed my love for last night. weird, going with it
I haven't seen Daniella all day...are you sure she was safe going home with that guy?
oh don't worry! i asked him if he was a rapist. he said no
So instead of cumming in her, I peed in her...
What did she do!?
I didn't tell her...
Went home with a 29 year old from the bar. Life lesson: 9 year olds stay up late sometimes
Don't play hard to get, I've seen some of the girls you've slept with.
They won't let us do straight shots of 151 since that guy lit his face on fire.
We get an extra hour of sleep. That means we can take an extra shot tonight. Sound logic. Thank you daylight savings.
Did you know there is a guy on the porch, wrapped in your snuggie, singing no woman no cry and drinking wine coolers?
Wanna get mid day margaritas tomorrow if I'm still alive
Had a dream I went to Disney to visit you and then I got really drunk and puked all over these little kids in line
Don't be the guy that has his dick out at work.
She showed me her tits outside Taco Bell....After she flashed the dude working there in an effort to get in.
Riddle me this: I can stream porn just fine but try and watch my college class and nooo it won't work
Be there in 4 minutes
It's one of the few times I hit fuck it levels of not caring
Thanks for the hospitality last night.
You mean sex?
Yes....hospitality.
Randomize
