I CAN MOONWALK!
I love my bros weed
Im gonna hate it in like 20 mins though
I think your going to be the cause of an awesome death
I fell asleep with my vibrator still in me. I am the Queen of Sad Masturbation.
There's a skateboard on the patio and all the chips are gone. The note on the fridge says 'don't buy cheese'. Stop letting her go outside.
Should we pre-order food to the ER for cinco de mayo?
Sex tent. say it aloud its amazing. promise you we rnt stoned.
The jerky fairy visited my fridge. It's glorious.
Should I have a moral quandary about Skyping topless with him while his son slept in the other room?
I'm at an awkward stage of not being able to tell if I wanna keep having fun or if I need to die in bed
Let's hurry up so I can puke at home instead of my van
she definitely didn't appreciate it when you justified bringing her home by yelling to me "fat bitches need love too"
I'm bringing my passport in case we get drunk and wind up in Mexico
I was so drunk I got motion sickness from sex.
You just thought it would be a good idea to show your penis to your best friend. No harm, no foul.
Randomize
