And that's when he stuck his finger up his own ass to prove it would feel good...
Level of drunkenness: just now when I sat down on the toilet, I had to double check to make sure I wasn't sitting on somebody's lap.
i slept with him so i could steal the screens out of his sink faucets for my bowl when he went to sleep. not because he's funny.
Dude this stripper just dry humped the settings off my phone. She earned that dollar
Something's wrong. My throat is definitely not in it's normal spot. Way too low.
You're getting spoiled, you better send me at least a side boob pic if you wanna see my dick dressed up as Davie Crockett.
I have got to stop letting people hang ornaments from my nipple ring.
Tis the season.
Laying in bed nude eating a Big Mac with a cat. It's gonna be a good year.
He did a line of coke off my stomach then flipped me over and smacked my ass. Then, while he was talking dirty to me, he told me he wanted to hire someone to clean my room. And that's when he lost his boner. Life is so hard.
it still weirds me out that Robin Thicke is Alan Thicke's son
Lesson learned. Don't roleplay with a real knife.
In case you're wondering what frozen hashbrowns taste like at 4 in the afternoon, shame. They taste like shame.
I woke up with my face covered in mustard. Your mom said I ate hotdogs like a pornstar
LOL he's a hopeless romantic now? 🤔 I'd say giving him a bj in a freakin softball dugout isn't the most romantic thing but it still happened
After 2 minutes he came and said, "thanks for everything". I can't wait to hear what he says next time when I do more than just lay there.
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