I fucked a guy named chris tucker last night
i thought i was pinching her nipple. It was her mole
if i wake up one more time on my porch im gonna start considering myself homeless
I am not a stalker...i just bring a whole new meaning to the word love
Woke up and went out for a cigarette and it was dead quiet. It was like the world just knew how many mistakes were made last night.
so i made out with some dude last night at the bar. and some girl just stood there and watched. i felt bad so i made out with her too. She looked like she felt left out.
I don't care how high you are, you can't finger me while eating potato chips.
I'm in the city buying alcohol. I just got warned by a homeless man on the street that I shouldn't look so pretty "in these parts"
CORAL IS FAR MORE RED THAN HER LIPS RED
Oh god you're Sonnet 130 drunk, aren't you.
Worst part of blacking out... Waking up and having to do the teeth check
Kings cup with teenagers tonight
Done deal
I ate breakfast with him. And by ate breakfast I mean we fucked on the kitchen table.
So pro tip. do not order drugs from india and then assume you know your tolerance level.
He told me that after two hours of fucking he feels as though his dick wants to detach from his body and go to Mexico..
Nothing says happy Monday quite like coffee and oral sex.
Randomize
