the only time it's appropriate to sing In The Air Tonight by Phils Collins is while sake bombing at Cal Beach
um or while having sex on a train
Pot didnt help. Now Im even sadder but now im afraid of the clouds and the crickets.
Walked in on my boss having phone sex at work... and somehow this didnt bother nor embaress him
After I gave him a handjob for a half an hour he told me I should be a taxidermist. I'm gonna take it as a compliment.
Like my mouth was on his pelvis connected to his balls that's how far it was
I HAVE MY OWN TITS FOR THAT AND I CAN GUARANTEE THAT THEYRE MORE GLORIOUS
You know what, don't even answer. Just promise me you'll go to the Corner of Shame when you get home.
So on a scale from 1-10 how gross is it that I used mortuary makeup on my own face?
alright well Taco Bell Closes at 12 so you better pray to god she's asleep by then or I'm running in your house butt ass naked with a bag of tacos
If only I could bank my drunk hookups for a sober IOU.
I bought a mink out of the back of some guy's van on my walk home from the bar yesterday
That shit was hard as fuck. It felt like a mountain entering my vagina.
His dick is curly. It's adorable.
Got drunk tryed walking 12miles to zacks house woke up at noon on baseball park
she has no right to get mad at us for drinking during the wedding. she's the one that chose the bridesmaid dresses with pockets.
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