apparentely "Beer Pong Champ" is not a profession, no wonder they havent called me back......
told ya
we were exchanging secrets last night... she told me about how she put markers in her vaj in middle school. found a keeper.
Just because he's a soilder doesn't mean his dick is a hero.
she laid there and continued moaning loudly for like 10 minutes after we were done, just so that her mom would be jealous
I came home to my brother stoned out of his mind. He got a high score on COD and asked me to have a celebration yogurt with him.
It's okay though. My mom didn't believe that they were mine cuz they were magnums. Having a surprisingly large penis ftw
It was his birthday this weekend. I had to carry him 6 blocks, in 3 inch heels. The entire time he was trying to molest me, eat my face, and try to stop every two feet to tie his shoe. He would light a cigarette, forget about it, almost burn everyone, throw it out, then decide he wanted to smoke. He kept repeating that he trusts me with his life.
...Wow...
I could be a kindergarten teacher
I didn't know where we were going to start fucking, so I just strategically hid condoms all over the house before he came over.
There's a naked man in my car right now.
If I had a dollar for every straight boy that questioned their sexuality because of me, I would live a comfortable middle-class life.
I just ate cream cheese straight for my dog
I'm afraid to ask what that means
as a side note pls kill me
He just peed in the cab. I repeat..IN.
I dont even know what happened i just remember waking up with beer cans outlining my body...
Breakfast sounds amazing but can we do IHOP instead? I have to pick up a Plan B pill and there’s a CVS next to it
Randomize
