We are so in love
so when's the next time you get to see your balls
So guy #2, the dancer, is programmed into my phone under the name H.uy. His number- 11 digits. I should have stopped drinking.
I never Thought the day id see a chick shove a 2liter up her vag. that happened last night
I convinced her last night that my actual nickname was "No Condom John"
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Having him eat chocolate out of you is not as romantic as it sounds. I'm still finding pieces.
How come the only thing we can do right in our lives is drugs?
When health care reform is passed, I'm throwing a kegger
You are the reason we need health care reform
is there a legit reason for the weird voicemail I got at 2:14am?all I could make out was 'help me' 'two hours' and 'toilet butt'. wtf did u drink.
She told me my dick looked like a baby seal wrapped in a sleeping bag.
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I just found a hunk of ham in my back jeans pocket from god knows when. We gotta stop going so ham.
And I really REALLY don't feel like cleaning cinnamon off my penis tonight.
fucked a girl in Bentley hall at ten tonight, came on the carpet and I plan on doing it in another building soon. Watch where you walk
The feeling are messing with the penis
She woke up, peed in the sink and then passed out again, it's only 2 in the afternoon
Sorry I totally pulled a home invasion on you last night
That was super inconsiderate of me
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