dude, the building's fire alarm was going off for over an hour last night and you didn't move
that's ok, when I'm passed out drunk I'm impervious to flame
this beer tastes like vomit already
To put it in a frame of reference with which you're familiar, it was like making out with a golden retriever.
I don't really know how to explain this place...it's like I feel like I need an std just to fit in
Regardless of the amount of alcohol you may consume tonight - DON'T take anybody home
He did not appreciate the "you did reuse the diamond" comment when looking at his new fiance's ring.
A lot of things don't look good... It doesn't look good for a lifeguard to be smoking a cig and drinking from a conspicuous cup... But hey I'm doin it
I drunkenly called my ex on Skype last night and didn't talk, just smiled real big at him until I fell asleep.
SURVIVAL MODE. WE CAN DO THIS. Celebratory survived-working-christmas-retail sex to follow
Fuck. I have to get my shit together by lunch. Mission impossible.
He's ninety percent amazing leader, brother, and teacher, and ten percent unforgivable douche. These are the men I look up to in my life.
Woke up with a squirrel in my bed, how was your night?
The hair on my legs is officially flapping in the breeze when I walk. I must say, being single does have perks and this is one of them.
Came out of blackout state to the curtains torn down & the headboard laid on top of him. & yes he was still breathing
Just had to read the instructions to my microwave. How am I so high?
Are you ok? Who pooped in my office?
Randomize
