Just got booked to do a bachelorette party for a polygamist wedding. And notice I only text you to rub things in your face and show you my life shits on yours. Daily.
After he convinced me that my friend had died and come back to life, I decided I was having sex with him that night, and that I should lay off the drugs for a while.
i love you. like a brother. a brother that i had sex with more than once.
Using that mug my little cousin painted for me as an ashtray for my weed...at least next time he asks me if I'm using it I can say yes
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I may be a little fuzzy on this, but I think at some point I said something about being a generous lover.
I feel like everything I touch in this bar I'm gonna get hepatitis. my kinda joint
This is a rough morning for me
No, rough is puking in your froyo cup next to a five year old and her grandma.
Also one of my neighbors is blasting "pumped up kicks" and possibly butchering some chickens
You've thrown off my entire schedule. Usually SATURDAYS are my "try to hide the jizz on my leggings" days
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Pulled over to puke on the way to sign closing papers on the house...Good sign of responsibility.
Realizing life ain't all about burritos and strippers, it's a struggle out there, and it ain't looking pretty so far,..
if i hadn't ended our catfight by hugging you one of us might be dead right now
Do you have any idea how awkward it was to type ‘dog twerking’ into google search? Because I don’t think you do.
I woke up with a pube in my teeth...I'm disturbed cause we're both clean shaven
Was last night real life? Like did you really light your hair on fire
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