why does he think he needs to feed/take me out to get some ass? we are at a bar wasting my fucking time
you know you go to a catholic school when you are rollin a joint with matthew 14:1-12
I justified spending $400 stocking my bar to my sister by saying it was an investment
Personally I think it's a tremendous investment
also: i found my "nug jug", actually the baby did, but either way it got returned to its rightful owner
there is a dude in the bar with no arms getting fed beers by his friends
I heard about the break up and if you need a place to stay my vagina is open for you 24/7
I have to stop drunkenly making out with guys just because they're tall or have a beard.
I've already started drinking so the earlier you get out of class the more coherent I'll probably be.
I'm pretty sure I'm the first person in the history of this college to rollerblade their walk of shame.
Well, we broke up and instead of putting my shit out on the curb like a normal person, she fucking donated everything to Goodwill. So now I have to pay two dollars for one of my own t shirts.
Would it be weird if I congratulated the guy who almost broke up my marriage for working on the marriage equality bill? You know, thanks for fighting for the sanctity of marriage. Weird, right?
We're going to brunch on Super Bowl Sunday. I am not a smart man.
I just want to sing to him and rub baby oil on his head
Between fucking and sleeping I woke up missing four out of five of the earrings I was wearing. It's like a star rating system. I had to give him props.
My dad told me I would need to be my mom's DD tonight. So, that's how my Easter weekend is going down.
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