oh good, I think they're gone
the painters?
my herpes
The UPD just told me that he was going to call the cops if i try to run. you owe me 5 dollars, i told u they arn't real cops
We realized he wasn't with us anymore, so we turn around and he's 20 feet back, peeing on a squirrel.
He said I could pay him back in blow jobs. What's the going rate for those these days?
Just purchased ketchup, body wash, and lube. Hope you're ready for the post-memorial-day-cookout-shower-anal.
I just realized that the thing that smelled like an electrical fire in my house was me.
Come get your boy. He's cuddling with a bag of rice on the floor.
I may or may not already be in your hot tub when you get home. I have a key to your house and no shame.
Dad's already had 6 Zionist conspiracy rants and moms trying to detect any "dark energies" in my soul. You have 4 days before you return to this shit: ENJOY THEM
Woke up on the floor with shoes on my hands...I'd say it was a success
You were passed out in the OutBack Bowl Shrimp costume and when we asked you wtf happened you just said On Wisconsin.
In your alcohol circus, can my act be juggling men? Let's be real, I can juggle multiple dick buddies better than a professional
You squatted and peed on the living room floor while maintaining eye contact with Sebastian
Well we can add this to the list of 'where the hell did that bruise come from?'
dude, i told you to rally, so you sprinted upstairs, knocked some girl down, and without missing a beat said, "not now bitch, im in the fucking zone" and took off
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