I thought it was weird that her dad told me to finish and get out after he walked in on us. I like him
i told her that she could bring as many friends as she wanted and then she asked how many people i could fit in my bed...BEST. DAY. EVERRRR.
There's a vagina buried somewhere in there.
Currently bar hopping with 30 Navy SEALS. I know i'm safe but damn its hard to pick up chicks when you feel like a big pussy.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I didn't realize how much I missed him until his balls were back in my mouth..
There's a Sam Adams brew house. How were we not supposed to go
The sound guy for the band told me id make a great valentines gift for his bisexual girlfriend
I hope your lack of response means you're banging, not talking about her purity ring.
I woke up to my dog puking on my bed. Looks like it was a successful night for us all.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Yeah I said my new jacket was waterproof, not puke through your nose proof.
it's only monday and im already failing all my classes. i give up. tequila tuesday is my only friend.
I have a cat, a bottle of wine, and a Brazilian man. I need to catch you up on my life
He won't have sex to beyonce. I hate him.
According to my Fitbit I was passed out in my car for 2 hours after she got us kicked out of the bar
Had to lock my cat in the bathroom so I could masturbate in peace.
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