i want you to feel like i'm letting you into my heart, not just my vagina.
Just crossed the line with my beat friends girl twinsie. Didn't realize tillz afta how much the look alike and an thougholy creeped out. Thanks ciroc
If I'm gonna go to jail I'm gonna be wearing a poncho
At what point should i just give my brother a break and stop sleeping with his friends?
They just kept handing me shots and saying welcome to college
You know how most people would take your keys when they don't want you to leave a party? Those 2 girls aren't most people. They took my pants instead.
She finally pulled over after almost hitting 4 cars and a semi and asked me if i was rwady i told her to let my penis to come back out
I'm super stoned watching the vatican smoke cam. Come over.
I chugged that bitch with a dip in.
You somehow managed to be a man whilst drinking a Mike's Hard. I commend you.
My mom just busted me rolling a blunt on her bathroom counter. ...all she said was fuck it it's Christmas
He was awesome with her today. I can't say that it didn't make my Fallopian tubes sing "The Hills Are Alive."
One of the finest moments in my life was when I was puking in between my legs as I was shitting, and thought to myself "hmm this shall be called shomiting."
I never thought I would encounter a situation that was "Too Gay" for me...and yet there I was.
I broke my wrist trying to give him a blow job...
And this is why we can’t have nice things
Just told my dad about my heroic mailbox showdown. He looked at me strange. I think he thinks I'm high.
You are high.
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