So why didn't Edward and the Cullens just kill Hitler?
You need to stop watching Twilight.
We had sex on the first date...do you think he thinks I'm a whore?
Yes and so do I
Her cum face looks like the large marge scene in pee-wees big adventure
I wish the health center treadmills counted beers burned not calories
the bouncer watched the girl drop her ID, saw me pick it up and say OMG SHE LOOKS LIKE ME, and then let me use it to get into the bar
This is going to be another afternoon spent getting drunk in the shower, isn't it?
It's official drugs can't kill me
So I met my girlfriends dad last night. Or should I say I re-met that mall cop that had to tackle me.
I hate being near you and not being able to do what I want. It's like a recovering alcoholic tending bar. I feel like Sam Malone. Except I can't bang the cute chick I work with.
ROB LOWE. SO BEAUTIFUL. SO DOUCHEY. SO HARD TO SPELL HIS NAME WHEN DRUNK.
A shark bit my leg in the Gulf of Mexico well me and the T were banging so look for it in the papers
Facebook is for cat videos and having better lives than people from high school, period.
No ive been in the mountains getting high and baking cookies with a 4 year old
Did my dad just see you doing a walk of shame?
Yup I waved.
I don't care. It's wine Wednesday get your gameface on.
Randomize
