There are walks of shame and then there are walks of what the hell is wrong with you.
This spray tan I used isn't working out. I spent an hour exfoliating and rubbing the damn stuff in with rubber gloves. I wanted the alluring, sun-kissed, sexy look. I've achieved smelling like burnt popcorn and the cats won't stop licking me. I'm a salt lick for cats.
After a few mimosas, my mom started sharing her plans to move out of the house and into a retirement village so she can be the youngest one there and find herself a "nice old sugar daddy." Needless to say, break has not started off well...
She just spat tequila at me... Like a fountain... A broken fountain
by the way whatever wisdom you imparted upon me last night was lost to whatever i smoked out of a beer can.
You thought you were drunk? I woke up at 6 o'clock this morning with a cheeseburger in my left hand a drink in my right with my window half way down. it was raining.... fml
STONER SAFETY TIP: don't use the driver's side vanity mirror to check how red your eyes are while you're driving. it won't work. trust me.
Got done with class, now I'm buying MD 2020 with the ex. Sure feels like college.
Had to walk of shame past Westminster Abbey this morning. Pretty sure a Japanese tourist took a photo of me.
Also send boobie pics with bobs burgers in background its the only way to get me off anymore
Visions of polite missionary are dancing in my head right now kinda and it alarms me
I feel slightly un-patriotic right now... I just got cock blocked by the Air Force!
Eh, my puke tasted like lemonade, so not too bad
Obviously you're feeling a little sexually frustrated.
I consider humping a stranger every ten minutes when I walk in the street.
So, my first week in Saskatchewan ended with me drinking moonshine and getting eaten out in a tractor. I already love it here!
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