Yes but life is bad with poopy sheets
You hit on the cop telling him you were celebrating the anniversary of your 21st birthday and ur boob job... That's how he got ur #
ah tequila...
He went into the alley to piss and came back a minute later with a case of Bud Select. I'm speechless.
This year I'm going to try NOT getting arrested. I think the 30th birthday is the cutoff for calling Mom to bail me out.
He was going down on me as I discovered a spaghetti-O on my boob. Its been a while since I faked it.
I'm going on a valentine's date with the random guy i hooked up with in the bar bathroom this weekend...i feel like julia roberts
We have an unspoken agreement. He helps me move and I give him a blow job. It's really unfair to him considering he doesn't know how much shit I have.
Just did it in a room with glowing stars to Peter Gabriel's down to earth on shrooms. This is like god
We could all 3 jump out of a cake in just tophats. A true marble cake.
I fell asleep after the worst sex of my life and now I'm snowed in with him. SEND HELP. CALL FEMA. GET ME OUT OF HERE.
They forgot my ranch. They're dead to me.
Can I drink yet?
It's Monday morning.
Your point?
I know that you sometimes make decisions based on comedic effect, but losing your virginity shouldn't be one of them.
Wine. Check.\nDino chicken nuggets. Check.\n#IssaParty
I honestly have no desire to wear clothes around you
I have that affect on people
Randomize
