This just in: Jon Gosselin's address-The Alexandra. I bet if we showed up he'd date us.
For a day that started with shitting my pants, things turned out fairly well.
I'm glad my gym is open 24 hours..I stopped in on my way home to puke from the bar
Dude you picked up her Chihuahua and threatened to kill it yelling "it's not cinco de mayo, bitches"
I'm so high I feel like I'm pedaling a bicycle but I'm laying on the couch. My body might be vibrating. I made soup.
While I faked being asleep, he literally prayed to God out loud, asking for forgiveness for losing his virginity before marriage.
I know it's early but when you wake up can you please validate my life and tell me I'm not just a drunk idiot.
I was changing in front of my window and my neighbor text me saying, "nice pubes."
So many gingers... It's like a beacon went out that said "this one is ok with red hair"
Sorry brah. Drastic times called for drastic measures and I had to go home and bang a cougar.
let’s be honest I’d fucking Irish step dance on your grave, asshole
You know you're an adult when you start planning your hookup a week in advance
I TAUGHT HER CAT TO SIT. CATS DON'T FUCKING SIT ON COMMAND. BUT THIS ONE DID!
It's basically my crowning achievement.
you were screaming "I don't need a shirt!" repeatedly while in the process of taking it off and flashing the bouncer. we got kicked out. thanks a lot.
Can we skype so I'm not drinking alone?
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