He has that thing where they hang SUPER low
Ewww!! Elephantitis
then they high fived as they party boyed me. I was a policewoman sandwhich. I love you halloween.
Yes, you did come over last night. You also tried to give my dog a blowjob. You got rejected.
Your dad's facebook is ejaculating midlife crisis all over my minifeed
That penis you're staring at is the penis of heartbreak. Stay away. It will break your heart AND keep you away from other penises. BACK. OFF. THE PENIS.
Just finished my quantum homework in ladies room writing with eyeliner. I am the party/physics champion.
The guy at the Apple store said the warranty does NOT cover getting cum out of the keyboard. I can't believe I believed you.
He used one of his curtains as a leash and hand restraints. He wins the creative sex challenge hands down.
You know you're getting old when 19 year olds you've met on tinder advise you that you should start looking for a wife and/or the mother of your children
I need a conscience and I need it yesterday.
THEYRE FUCKING GOLD
Are you talking about the color of my tits or the quality of my nudes cause both are
Every time I start to trust vodka, it does this to me.
I'm now forever going to blame miss frizzle for making me the sexual deviant that I am today
If this gives you any indication of my current state, I stopped at Meijer after work and bought funyuns, pregnancy tests and chocolate.
There is a guy down by the river wearing a zebra print speedo and a sombrero, with a beer in each hand, screaming "This is America bitches!"
Randomize
