at FSU your more likely to get an STD than a parking spot
He did a line, told me my hair looked pretty against the background of the clouds, and then we fucked. Good afternoon
professor came back from spring break missing a tooth
I think I'm finally maturing. I'm happy he found someone. Good for him. I sincerely hope she doesn't choke on his tiny penis.
You wore a man's plastic top hat last night.
No I didn't. Whiskey did.
I just want a whole pitcher of margarita and a headdress from party city and sit around and look like a fucking indian princess.
There was just a girl standing next to me on the train, wasted, wearing only one shoe. I so wanted to pat her on the shoulder and say "oh honey, we've all been there"
It's like my life is one of those movies where after a bunch of outlandish events that only happen in a movie the girl realizes her true life calling and lives a great life with a sexy man of multiple races. But I'm stuck in the fucked up part where 25 year olds come in their pants.
Pizza and koolaid didn't even make me feel better. This hangover means business
I found pix on her phone of me passed out and her sticking things up my ass. Its over.
Remember Christopher who always sends me pictures of his penis? Look to your right, boy in the blue.
He finally delivered on the dick pic, and Jesus Christ, it was worth the wait.
WHY HAVE SO MANY THING GONE IN MY BUTT ON THIS TRIP
It's okay that we broke up and all but it's not okay that he still has my Chick-fil-A calendar card. This month is free fries!
and then she sorta stared at me like "holy shit" and I looked down and my dog was licking her ass
Ruff night.
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