He woke me up by trying to shove oreos in my mouth. im ready to go home now
How long is the appropriate time period between a pregnancy scare and breaking up with my girlfriend?
the pharmacist hit on me as i picked up my herpes medecine. i think we found a winner.
Last night I ate parmesan cheese straight out of the container while watching Chelsea Lately. Look at what happens to me when you leave.
I'm thinking I had intended to send you pics cuz I woke up naked
I don't see why you're so upset, it's not like you were wearing pants either.
Is that a tongue signal to get over there? That's how my two heads are taking it.
Apparently drunk me was getting hit on and i wasn't into it so i shouted "Stupify" at him like i was fucking harry potter then went to the pizza place next to the bar and punted some guys pizza box out of his hands. :(
Why on earth is he slamming his body into the wall again?
i was so high i thought the horse on my poster was running
She pretty much spent NYE measuring dicks, trying to decide which one to take home.
I woke up with what appeared to be LSD in my pocket. Know anything about this?
I promise that I won't shotgun beers with your boyfriend this time, Scouts Honor.
On a scale of "huh, that's interesting" to "holy porn stars, batman". How good?
Definitely closer to "holy porn stars, batman".
Lets just say the phase, What a dick, has a whole new meaning at the urinals.
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