Rocking a Headband at the strip club, because of Rock of Love this shit is like their kryptonite, I smell like stripper butter and back child support.
so the car was packed with everything from my dorm, plus my mom. during the 6 hour trip home she found my kama sutra. started flippin through it.....
oh shit that had to have been awkward
i thought so too. until she asked what the check marks were for
No it only became awkward when she walked in with her new boyfriend and we realized we'd all banged her
What do you do when the person in the stall next to you says they're jealous?
Ugh, here's a dating tip. Hairy legs are a major turn off
im over her. I got weed and youtube. everything i could ever ask for.
Chicago was legit, ate some badass pizza and gave a cig to a crackhead..its all i thought it would be
Just made gatorade. in the bathtub.
3rd rule of buttsex she must be clean and shower recently
and skipped dinner
just had to shower sitting down. i hope this isn't an indicator of how the rest of my week is going to go.
I told him id do anything with him and he said angry pirate? So I said okay. Never seeing him again.
What's an angry pirate?
You dont want to know. If someone offers say no. Never ever do the angry pirate. Ever.
There was no eligible dick at the ER. I'm pissed. Looks like "Searching for Strange at the Local Free Clinic" is a no go for the name of our first full length album. On the other hand, I got a dilaudid shot and I no longer feel like I have the worst bladder infection of my life.
my biography would be titled "haunting truths and dick jokes: a tale of love, loss, and masturbation."
Omg the world wants us to be better people
I refuse
And then you screamed, "I JUST WANNA POUR MAPLE SYRUP ALL OVER HIM AND RAVISH HIS BODY!!"
Randomize
