She just squirted all over my face. then laughed at me and took a pic
He shit in the bushes next to the pool at the Venetian, after throwing up in the hallway. You really can do anything in Vegas.
Drunk. I slept-stripped.
By myself.
Just threw the poptarts. Sgits boutta go Down. 1 liter of wine
Last time I heard from you, you were double fisting strawberry milk and wine. Answer this text so I know you're still alive. Bonus points for a coherent answer.
Ed's in which sucks about a thousand cocks... But thats 1800 less than working with Alex so it's gonna be a good day
I can't tell whether I'm a) still hungover from two nights ago, b) legitimately sick or c) all of the above... multiple choice was never my forte
my longitudinal study of the long term effects of sloth and alchol-intake is nearly complete.
so you are graduating this semester.
I was told I sang Taylor Swift's entire discography in between violent bursts of green vomit before falling asleep in the bath tub
I'm 2 beers deep on an empty stomach, and I just wanna say, I pride myself on my use of commas
We've been watching Scooby Doo and having sex for the past 36 hours, so life is great
You're like a human soul vacuum cleaner.
If a clean cut ginger with a flannel and tattoos shows up at the apartment, he is allowed inside.
A respectable fucking: good but like I don't want to get kicked out of my hotel room
I just woke up and I don't really remember anything past 1pm. How much am I missing?
A good 10-11 hours. You got laid twice. Also, you out-ran a cop and played football with a lamp.
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