If I can't get a one-legged man to love me, what the hell chance do I have with a NORMAL guy???
You two were too busy to notice that his used condom landed on me when he threw it.. Thanks.
she refused to get out of the dog cage till we sang "be our guest" to her.
There's a Sam Adams brew house. How were we not supposed to go
Are you dead or are you taking another 13 hour nap? you need to let me know these things ahead of time so i dont worry.
he put $150 on the cabs dash so 9 of us could pile in and ride 3 blocks to the apartment.
My goal of the day is to not shit myself. That's it. Setting the bar real low
He told me to fuck off at some point in the night. I think it was right before he jumped out of a moving car trying to get to another bar and made Abby cry.
You should make cookies and when I get home we can have a slow motion hug and eat them
Post walk of shame: realized the underwear I put on when I left was another girl's underwear.... woof
Just reminding you that you are currently drunk spooning a chair saying it "loves you unconditionally". No more rum.
It's getting harder and harder to find People to carry her home
She shouldn't drink
Apparently, the Mormons have taken over airports. I was told by a befuddled looking clerk I couldn't buy a beer with breakfast before 6am.
You okay? Last night you climbed through my window and demanded I take shots with you and when I refused you took a piss in my front yard.
that's your fault. you refused to take shots with me.
He has fairy lights round his bed.. And played Jamie cullum when we had sex... Hes batting for the other team right?
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